pic from here

This summer's dreadful heat wave, which has claimed scores of lives in the Western United States including over eighty in California alone, has finally gone too far, causing actress Lindsay Lohan to keel over.

Oklahoma Senator Jim Inahofe, who had previously compared talk of global warming to Nazi propaganda, was one of many in the Senate to take note of this momentous event. "When an actress of the stature of Ms Lohan becomes the victim of an overheated environment, it's time for the rest of us to rethink our deeply held beliefs, no matter what the cost to our fragile egos. By God, we need those hydrogen cars, and we need them now, before any other cute actresses swoon."

Senator Bill Frist, while acknowledging that the weather has been hot as blazes, urged a more cautious approach. "Jim Inahofe kind of reminds me of a newly reformed smoker, wanting to push everybody else into their new found convictions. Speaking of smoking, did you see those pictures of that little girl passed out? Her dress rode all the way up. I mean all the way - you could see her panties and everything."

Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger, who readily admits "global warming is starting to make California suck", is calling for more accountability from the film industry. "I'm told that they had Lindsay working outside in 105 degree heat while fully dressed. That's totally irresponsible. Hollywood should understand that you don't need clothes to make a good movie. And the fact that she passed out from dehydration... apparently nobody was making sure that she got enough beer. It's a sad state of affairs."


2006, Mark Hoback