Hello boys and girls. Greetings from Hulk. Hulk read new book yesterday. What? Surprised that Hulk read, because Hulk talk funny? This is Hulk schtick. In reality, Hulk is brilliant scientist. Hulk read collected works of Coulter, Goldberg, and Hannity. Hulk have big library. Yesterday Hulk read funny book, 'Help! Mom! There Are Liberals Under My Bed'. Book suitable for all age 5 and up, including Hulk.

What book about? Hulk tell you. Book about Tommy and Lou who live in run down city called Liberaltown, filled with lemon trees and secularists. Very bad, but more sad news. Tommy and Lou have no swing set. Hulk shed tear.

What to do? Boys think and think under big lemon tree. Then they hear song popular from back in youth of Hulk. Mister Trini Lopez.

Lemon tree very pretty
Lemon flower smell sweet
But fruit of poor lemon
Impossible to eat
Smash lemon! Smash! Smash!

Ha, lemonade! Boys victorious! Everybody want it. Thriving business, best lemonade in town. Now can buy swing set, and shoes for poor barefoot children. Good boys. Hang picture of Jesus on lemon tree.

What happen next? Alert - anger coming. Mayor Leach finds out about lemonade stand and take half of Tommy and Lou money. ARRGGHHH! Taxes! Liberal mayor say he take better care of shoeless children then boys can. What he buy? Dustpans! Hulk not understand how children wear dustpans on feet.

Then what? ACLU lawyer stop by and make Tommy and Lou take down picture of Jesus. Make boys put up picture of big toe instead. ARRGGHHH! Hulk filled with rage. Hulk tear book in fifty pieces and stomp it. Then Hulk have to buy another copy, after Hulk calm down. Hulk want to see revenge of boys.

Can things get worse? Hulk know answer. Yes. Hillary Clinton come and makes boys sell broccoli with lemonade. Hulk like broccoli, but Hulk believe in free market economics. Hillary institutes broccoli tax. Now lemonade five dollars. ARRGGHHH! Now only rich liberals get to buy lemonade and savory broccoli.

Oh no, here come Teddy Kennedy, belly bigger than Hulk. Why he here? Kennedy not like lemonade, Kennedy like scotch. He plan to destroy lemonade. Pass law that only one spoon of sugar in pitcher. ARRGGHHH! PTUI! Lemonade now taste like crap. Jimmy Carter laugh and laugh, oh, oh, help mommy, help, help, oh, oh... What? All a dream? Whew...

Hulk like book by Katharine DeBrecht very much, but not for the weak of heart. Hulk give it four Hulk stars out of five.

 

 

2005, Mark Hoback