Jennifer Needs Flatware!


The good news is that if you just couldn't decide what to get Jennifer Wilbanks for her big day, you still have time. Because it is going to happen. Proving that he's just as wacky as his big-eyed sweetie-pie, John Mills broke his silence yesterday to none other than the King of Blockheads on the Sean Hannity show.

"Haven't we all made mistakes," he asked rhetorically, to which we answer, yes, but a shot of penicillin only sets you back about thirty bucks.

Which is $220 bucks cheaper than the Waterford Lismore ice bucket which still remains unpurchased on Jennifer's wedding registry at Macys. Mills revealed that this is precisely why his bride-to-be hit the road and shuffled off to Albuquerque - to teach the ungrateful toads who were invited to the wedding a lesson in etiquette.

"Hard as it is to believe, six day before the wedding, nobody had bought us a single solitary piece of sterling flatware. It's just mind-boggling. Six hundred guests and we're still 8 short of a set on our Lenox Solitaire 9" soup bowls."

"It makes you wonder, doesn't it," asked Mills while lighting up a Camel and taking a long serious draw. "Just the basics. Just the goddamn basics, like towels. I think Jennifer did a pretty good job driving the point home."


2005, Mark Hoback