Whip Me, Beat Me, Dress Me Up In A Towel,
But Please Just Remember My Name

Shortly before 6 PM yesterday, ReganMedia issued a press release proudly proclaiming that they had acquired exclusive rights to the saga of runaway bimbo Jennifer Wilbanks and her super-sap fiancé John Mason.

The deal, worth $500,000 requires a joint interview by the two airheads, and exclusive dramatic rights to any television or movie projects. The possibility of a book was discussed, but ultimately discarded when agent Judith Regan was asked by the wide-eyed wiener-woman if she "could draw it myself".

Wilbanks gushed that "after paying my $2500 fine, and the $13,000 overtime charge for the search, I should still have about... a gazillion dollars left. And then in the movie, I want to play myself. I think I'd be perfect for the part, as long as they don't make me do any nude parts. Well, tops are okay, but absolutely no bottoms. Unless it's tasteful. And then we can sell the rights to the wedding to the lifetime channel. I'm going to have eighty bridesmaids this time, and chocolate cake."

"That's nice, sweetie," retarded fiancé Mason interjected.



©2005, Mark Hoback