Rush Swallows Tongue; Finds it to be Delicious

FGAQ went in for a bout of toughness training yesterday, listening to all three hours of the Rush Limbaugh radio show. Excellence in Broadcasting, eggs on a plate.

Actually, we didn't plan on the marathon, but were interested in whether he would speak to the foolhardiness of his many, many hours of acid tinged talk on the Terri Schiavo matter. Or maybe just spin it as delightfully as Hannity did. ('I was right about everything!' was the gist of the Vacant One's comments.)

Rush, of course, chose to pretend that the day's biggest media story did not exist, and so he never addressed it. Towards the end of his show, however, he learned about a comment from Senator Dick Durbin on the Guantanamo Bay prison. (Or as Rush calls it, Camp Gitmo.). To wit:

 On one occasion, the air conditioning had been turned down so far and the temperature was so cold in the room, that the barefooted detainee was shaking with cold. ... On another occasion, the [air conditioner] had been turned off, making the temperature in the unventilated room well over 100 degrees. The detainee was almost unconscious on the floor, with a pile of hair next to him. He had apparently been literally pulling his hair out throughout the night. On another occasion, not only was the temperature unbearably hot, but extremely loud rap music was being played in the room, and had been since the day before, with the detainee chained hand and foot in the fetal position on the tile floor.

If I read this to you and did not tell you that it was an FBI agent describing what Americans had done to prisoners in their control, you would most certainly believe this must have been done by Nazis, Soviets in their gulags, or some mad regime Pol Pot or others that had no concern for human beings. Sadly, that is not the case. This was the action of Americans in the treatment of their prisoners.

Doesn't sound that radical to you? Well, that's because you hate your country. Rush, on the other hand, went apeshit, which was really tragic, because he only had a few moments left on the air.

 "We deserve to lose this war," he shouted. "If we're going to be led by such idiocy and such ignorance as this, we deserve to lose it." And then he swallowed his tongue.

After emergency surgery at Palm Springs General Hospital, Limbaugh was released, following a few hours rest. Early reports were that Limbaugh had actually masticated his tongue before swallowing, but these were apparently in error, as he returned to his show today as loquacious as ever, continuing his rant precisely where he had left off.

In related news, Gene Simmons of the rock band Kiss, is recovering at a hospital in Atlanta from a vicious tongue-lashing which nearly left him speechless. Waving the special Kiss hand symbol for reporters, the aging rock star said, "Ib I eddah fond ow ooh did dis tuh me, I guhn ick is udduh uckin aah".


2005, Mark Hoback