War on Christmas Takes 500th Victim



The war on Christmas claimed it's 500th victim today, when a package bomb went off at a holiday display outside of a Bloomingdales in west Los Angeles. Pieces of Rudolph were found as far away as Mullholand Drive. Governor Schwarzenegger ordered into action members of the National Guard in anticipation of a further escalation in the violence. California has had the highest rate of reindeer mutilations in the country's ongoing battle, with 47 incidents reported since the war began.

Credit for the attack was quickly claimed by the Santanistas, an urban guerilla group that just really hates Christmas. KXMS-TV read a missive which they claimed had been sent by the shadowy group's elusive leader, Harry Cardigan. "Bah Dasher, bah Dancer, bah Prancer and Vixen," the note read in part. "Bah Comet, bah Cupid, bah Richard M Nixon". The last reference probably refers to the former president's statement that Christmas was his favorite time of year.