Dog Causes Distress

The highly respected Shiite Hand Dog trotted into Baghdad last night, causing massive confusion in the Governing Councils plans for choosing a provisional government.

"We are facing a very tense situation, perhaps the most tense since the end of the war," one of the council's members said. "None of us want a confrontation, but then this is the Shiite Hand Dog; we have to realize we are traveling down a road that could lead to a very big confrontation."

The return of the Shiite Hand Dog was interpreted as an event bestowing The Nod of Gideon to Grand Ayatollah Ali Sistani, who has insisted that a provisional government be chosen through a national election. During a speech at the Remulak Mosque last Friday, Sistani stated "I have been pretty low key on this matter up to now, but should the Shiite Hand Dog return once again to wander the streets of Baghdad, I'm gonna come down on this issue like Allah's Golden Hammer."

The Shiite Hand Dog is an ordinary looking mixed breed except for the small human shaped hands that substitute for paws. Many Arab commentators have long focused attention on the Shiite Hand Dog. The general consensus is that the Hand Dog craze that has swept most of Iraq is due to the dire lack of celebrities in the war-torn country.
 
There were reports last week that Shania Twain would appear, but the troops had to settle for President Bush instead. Thus The Shiite Hand Dog fulfills a need. "You should see that dog." said one Marine. "It has little tiny hands and, well, that's about it." Experts from DOD Black Ops believe that TSHD escaped from one of Iraq's many genetic experimentation lab during the first wave of American bombings.

The Shiite Hand Dog 'How he Became TSHD' story is under wide dispute. The canine has obtained other names, such as the 'Sunni Arab Hand Dog', the 'Sunni Kurd Hand Dog', and 'Nipper'.

"We cannot deny there is an attempt to set a precedent on Sistani's side and our side," one Council member said. "This is more than about elections. It's about whether we will allow one dog to dictate the terms of our sovereignty."
 

 

2003, Mark Hoback