"Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn. I said  Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn. Hey there, Tentacle Face, you deaf or somethin'? I'm down here chantin' your praises. Why don't you get off your big green ass and... Ouch! Ouch! Hey, don't pgh'ayze me, bro, come on. Oh man, that's a pain that's going to linger."

"Listen, Cthulhu, I've come all the way out here to the great and ancient city of R'lyeh - I'm not sure how, seems like I was on my way to dinner, and... can I sit? Can I sit down here? No? Well, it is kinda damp... so anyway, The reason I invoked your name was that I wanted to ask you for a little favor. Straight up, I'm sayin' that I worship you each and every day, and I don't ask for a lot in return, and..."

"Whoa! Whoa! Don't get me wrong, big fella, I appreciate everything you've done for me, it's... just that the wisdom of the Great Old Ones hasn't always played out for me the way I expected it to. I mean, granted, your ways are mysterious to me, I'm not kiddin' you at all. Like it says in the Necronomicon,  'That is not dead which can eternal lie. And with strange eons even death may die.' I don't know what in the blazes that's supposed to mean."

"I'm going to say it again - Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn. I mean that sincerely. Cthulhu fhtagn. Now listen, oh Ancient One, this is what I need to ask you. I'm pleading with you here, please don't let me have a recession like my daddy did. Cthulhu fhtagn."

"What do you mean it's too late? We're not in a recession, we're just having a little rough patch. We'll bounce right... Owww, those tentacles sting! Of course I'm not an idiot. If you ever get stuck in a situation like that, you know full well it's important not to overcorrect -- because when you overcorrect, you end up in the ditch. Yiiiiiii!.......... that one took the breath out of me, partner."

"Cthulhu fhtagn. Let me rephrase that request to put it more in line with your view of things. Please don't let my recession be as bad as my daddy's was. Cthulhu fhtagn."

"I'm a day late and a dollar short? I... you... you really are the bearer of bad news today, aren't you? I mean... that's just brutal. Let me ask this... You think that maybe I could at least extend my tax cuts for the rich?"

 

2008, Mark Hoback