Harriet's Sitting Room

"Grace, turn up the volume on the teevee, would you please? It's that nice Fred Thompson from Law And Order."

"Oh, it is, isn't it. He's still quite the hunk of man meat, Alice, even at his age."

"Grace! At your age, is what I should say. Look there, that must be his lovely wife."


"No, I'm pretty sure that Fred Thompson is married to a woman. Isn't that right, Harriet?"

"I couldn't tell you, Alice. I never got to watch Law and Order."

"Never? Oh dear..."

"Well, you know, I worked such long hours..."

"Yes, work work work, poor Harriet, slaving away for that ungrateful man who never gave you a moment's notice. I'm just glad you're back here in Dallas where you can begin to enjoy your life again."

"I'll bet Fred Thompson would never treat Harriet like that."

"Why is that, Grace?"

"Just look at the man, sitting on the edge of the couch, oozing with power and manliness. See, he has to keep his hand up front just to hide his mammoth pecker."


"It's true, Alice. I saw his Johnny-boober back in an old movie with James Belushi called 'Curly Sue'. It was quite enormous."

"Fred Thompson showed his Johnny-boober in 'Curly Sue'? Oh, my, I feel a trip to Blockbuster coming on."

"It won't do you one bit of good, Alice. That movie has vanished off the face of the earth. It's as though there was a... hold on, what did Fred just say?"

"I think he said that he was going to be on Leno."

"Leno? Harriet, do you know what that means? It means that Fred Thompson is going to run for president after all! I'm going to wet my pants... Oh my heart be still!"

"Pshaw, Grace, he's not all that. Personally I prefer someone a bit more boyish, someone with a certain impishness to him."

"Maybe someone who appreciates a good fart joke, Harriet? Beggars can't be choosers, you know, so I'm going with Fred."

"Alice, I'm just looking, and... I'm not so sure that's really Fred Thompson..."

"It's not?"

"No, I think... he looks kind of like that TV doctor..."

"That is not Dr Phil. You are completely brain-scrambled."

"No, not Dr Phil... Dr Frasier Crane, that's the one."

"The Senator from Seattle?"

"The very one. My, he cuts quite the impressive figure, I must say. Do you think he's running for President, Alice?"

"I don't know, Grace, but if he does, he's got my vote."

2007, Mark Hoback