Welcome back. Don't just stand there gawking at the young lady, come on it and have a seat. Kind of ironic that you'd show up right this moment, isn't it? Tell the truth, now, you saw Maureen's car outside, didn't you? And I'll just bet that you had a hunch that we were here in the kitchen whipping up a mouthwatering batch of Pat Robertson's Age-Defying Protein Pancakes. Can't say as I blame you. They are good, and that's the God's honest truth. Praise the Lord, and pass the turkey bacon.

Think about that phrase for a moment. No, no, not 'Age-Defying Protein Pancakes', I mean 'God's honest truth'. Of course God's truth is honest, that goes without saying. But honest truth sounds like a double positive, doesn't it? And if a double negative is a positive, you're probably thinking that a double positive is a negative. But you would be wrong. It doesn't work that way. That's the wonder of words, praise the Lord.

I wonder what these particular words mean: "Scientists turn human skin cells into what are effectively human embryonic stem cells". I saw that on the news today, and the announcer tried to make it sound like it was a good thing. It's not. And then later on, the president came on, the President of the United States. He said he was encouraged by this scientific advance, and even intimated that it might be ethical. It's not.

Words have real meaning. When Maureen here takes my patented Age-Defying Protein Pancake mix, adds some eggs, adds some milk, stirs it up and pours it in a skillet, the truth no longer lies in it's component parts. It has become a stack of flapjacks and deserves to be given it's proper treatment through the act of consumption. I can tell that you agree by that hungry look on your face. Give him another pancake, Maureen.

Well, sir, for the second half of our analogy, let's just say that if a scientist, well skilled in the black arts, was to take an ordinary adult skin cell, insert it into a Petri dish with genetically engineered viruses, it would no longer be a skin cell. It has become an embryonic stem cell and deserves to be given it's proper treatment through the act of conception. You can not say this monstrous creation is exactly like an embryonic stem cell except that it's not an embryonic stem cell, anymore than you can say that the flapjack you're jawing on is nothing but eggs, milk, and Pat Robertson's Age-Defying Pancake mix. Words have real meaning, praise the Lord.

My goodness, you're finished already? You were hungry. Don't forget to wipe your mouth, and I'm sure Maureen would appreciate it if you leave a little tip. I know you enjoyed the protein pancakes. I can tell. They're age defying, don't you know. Thanks for stopping by. I've said my piece.  I suppose I'll be seeing you again real soon, but until then, remember Humpty Dumpty, just kind of in reverse.



2007, Mark Hoback