"Sometimes it is hard to be an insurgent, is it not, Raheem? The days are so long and the pay is disgraceful. If I were not so fanatical, I believe I could be content selling produce from a little stall in the market."

"True. At times I forget the reason for our struggle."

"Infidels."

"Oh, yeah. And the crusaders."

"Same difference."

"You think? I mean, I do not wish to get into semantics here, but there is something about being invaded that just galls me to no end. Where do these Westerners get off, anyway?"

"Ah, they're not all bad... They did get rid of Saddam, after all."

"Fucking Saddam. We could not have any fun when he was in power. Hey! Do you know why Saddam wears white underpants?"

"Mercy, please. That is the oldest joke in the world."

"Sorry. Just trying to lighten the mood around here. Maybe you would like to hear a blonde joke instead. Why did Allah create blondes?"

"I can assure you that I have no clue."

"Because a sheep cannot bring you a cold beer from the refrigerator. Hahahahaha."

"Raheem. Your feeble attempts at humor fail to amuse me on so many levels. Set aside for a moment the fact that alcohol has no proper place in our culture. Set aside for a moment the fact that our nation's refrigerators are in shambles. Set aside the fact that you have blasphemed by using the name of Allah in a joke. There remains still the fact that I do not have any idea what a blonde is."

"It is a woman with yellow hair, Ahmed. Long glorious yellow hair which shines with the glory of the midday sun."

"You have been looking at Western magazines again, have you not?"

"Forgive me, for it is so. I took one off of an infidel, and was just flipping through..."

"And you became hypnotized, I suppose."

"uh..."

"Did you not?"

"Not to change the subject, but... Do you know what I would like to hear, Ahmed? The sound of the American people denigrating their own country and their warrior brutality. If only the left wing would try to politicize this invasion to the point that they would make the American people feel inferior or guilty. That would truly be music to my ears."

"What type of music, Raheem? Lusty western music sung by immodestly dressed yellow haired women such as the big chested whore Jessica Simpson?"

"Ahmed! Moments ago you informed me that you were not even aware of what a blonde was!"

"True enough, but you informed me, did you not?"

"I did not offer you specific examples! You son of a camel - you've taken the liberty of looking at my magazines."

"Never! Well, uh... you left them out where they were impossible for me to avoid."

"Liar! They were concealed securely at the bottom of my sock drawer!"

"I did not... oh. What was that? Call to prayer. Call to prayer."

"Curses. We will resume this conversation at a later time."

 

 

2005, Mark Hoback