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Welcome back, Mister President. I understand you did a bang up job in New Orleans of restoring America's confidence in your somewhat glorious administration, of which I am a proud and deadly member. The deadly part is just kind of a joke of mine, something from what you could call the frivolous side of Ms Condi, but my, how I do wander when I'm nervous.

You nervous, Condi? You've got nerves of steel.

No one's got those steely nerves today. You did brief Wonder Boy, didn't you Rove?

God knows I tried, Mr. Cheney. We had some hard conceptual barriers to deal with. I think that the video will help.

What video?

The video of Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. Goddamn it to hell, Turd Blossom, you didn't tell him anything, did you?

Who's this Moham Mamajama?

For God's sake, George - Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, the president of Iran. He said he was going to cause us harm and pain.

That beanbag? I'm shaking in my boots. Try a little harder to scare me , Rummy. I'm the guy who took out the Butcher of Baghdad.

You may feel a bit more cautious after you take a look at this. Sergeant Ryan, start the clip.

Mekka Lekka Hi, Mekka Heiny Ho. Mekka Lekka Hi, Mekka Chonny Ho.

Fraid you're gonna have to help me out with that just a little, Rummy.

It's the secret Jambi chant, Mister President.

Jambi the Genie, George. You might have seen him on Pee-wee's Playhouse.

Oh, yeah! Jambi! Mekka Lekka Hi, and all that. Heh, heh. I was partial to Miss Yvonne myself. So what's your point?

We've got a high placed source who states that  Ahmadinejad wished for nuclear weapons.

It's a slam dunk.

Who's the source?

Reese Witherspoon.

She laid out a very convincing case.

Oh, I wish Reese was here now to help explain it.

Did somebody here make a wish?

I'm Jambi!

Oh yes, Mr. Jambi, it was me. I was wishing that Reese Witherspoon was here to explain to the president about Ahmadinejad and his  nuclear weapons.

Very well. Repeat after me: Mekka Lekka Hi, Mekka Heiny Ho.

Mekka Lekka Hi, Mekka Heiny Ho.

Mekka Lekka Hi, Mekka Chonny Ho.

Don't say it, Don, don't say it!

Mekka Lekka Hi, Mekka Chonny Ho.

Hi!

You idiot. You could have just wished to know what Ahmadinejad wished for.

Doh.

Look at her. She's as cute as a little button, isn't she?

Thank you.

Give us another wish, Jambi.

I'm afraid that I cannot do that. I only grant one wish per day.

Give us another fucking wish, you blue faced freak.

  =POOF=

Oh, man. You just scared Jambi off.

Grrrr. I'm mad enough to bite a podium.

Our mysterious visitor from... Where is he from, Reese?

Pee-wee's Playhouse.

Oh, yeah. Well, folks, meeting's over. You heard the genie. No more wishes till tomorrow.

So, Reese, why don't I give you a tour of the place.

That would be lovely.

You know what's lovely is the rug I've got in my office. It's a real stunner. Laura designed it. Not just anybody can design a rug. The interesting thing about this rug is cause I told Laura one thing. I said, 'Look, I can't pick the colors and all that. But make it say 'optimistic person.' And I think if you look at the way the colors kind of spiral...

 

 

2006, Mark Hoback