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earlier on Jambi...
      ...Who got him, we got him, who got him, we got him, who's bad, we bad, who's bad, I'm bad, who got him, I got him...
Oh my soul, this is so embarrassing... I just cringe every time Jambi gets in front of a camera.
I wouldn't worry about it, Ms Rice. Everyone is so happy that we finally got the bad guy, I doubt they'll even notice how bad Jambi's dancing is.
Pretty damn amazing...
You've got to be kidding. That is some terrible dancing, even for a white guy.
I'm not talking about his damn dancing, Condi. I'm talking about the fact that Jambi was able to pinpoint Zarqawi's location right down to the meter.
What's amazing is that I finally got that looney to tell me anything. I just happened to catch Jambi in a lucid moment and thought I'd take a chance asking him. Before he would even discuss it, I had to set him up for 'dinner' with Scarlett Johansson, and score him enough Peruvian Marching Powder to sink Tony Montana.
Thank God for our friends in Peru.
So, what does this all mean, Reese? I thought that once Jambi changed bodies with the president, he no longer retained any of his Genie powers.
Mmm...
Let me handle this, Reese. What Jambi was using when he told you where Zarqawi was located was not Genie power, but psychic power - what parapsychologists refer to as 'remote viewing'. It's like astral projection for the mind. You see the location where you focus your attention.
Big time mumbo jumbo.
Not really. Every human has psychic senses. It's just that Genies are able to develop them much more rapidly. Whatever psychic powers Jambi developed as a Genie should remain with him as a man.
Peewee's apparently right, Dick. As you know, we've been studying psi phenomenon at the Pentagon since the mid-sixties.
Does that mean Jambi is even more dangerous than we had thought?
That depends, Ms Rice. Jambi is pretty self-destructive. If he keeps it up with the drugs and booze, his powers will become so diluted that they won't amount to much.
Then we've somehow got to keep him riding on that party train.
I'll volunteer for that mission!
...later...
Hey, it's Peewee! How ya doin, Peewee?
Really good, Mister President, but I'm feeling really anxious to get started working with you. Today I thought we would work on developing your 'remote viewing'.
Remote viewing? Sounds like a big barrel of laughs. But first let me ask you a couple of questions about the old Playhouse gang. Whatever happened to that guy I used to like - Cowboy Curtis?
Cowboy Curtis? Oh, he's fine. You know, that was Lawrence Fishburne before he hit the big time. Hard to believe that he's the same guy who played Morpheus in The Matrix, isn't it? Now, I want you to focus...
So he wasn't a real cowboy?
Hardly. Now, I'm going to show you a photograph, and I want you to clear...
What about Captain Carl?
Oh... My old friend Phil Hartman... You know, I try to not even think about him... So sad. You really need to clear your mind and...
So the Playhouse was nothing but a pack of lies? None of the people were real?
Well, Jambi was real... And Miss Yvonne... I'm going to show you a picture...
And you? Were you a phoney as well?
I wasn't a phoney, Mister President, I was an actor. I still am, when I can get the work. My real name is Paul Reubens. You know that, don't you? Now, let's try and focus on...
Then why are you wearing the Peewee suit?
Do you understand the danger here? I'm wearing the Peewee suit because Jambi could discover that I'm here at any time, and Jambi fears Peewee. Now will you please shut the fuck up and listen to what I'm trying to tell you?!
That's better. I don't know if anyone has told you yet, but Jambi was able to pinpoint the exact location of Abu Musab al-Zarqawi yesterday... Do you know what that means? Your cabinet is going to start having second thoughts about bringing you back.
The bastards!
We've got to stay one step ahead of them. You have the same innate ability that Jambi does, but your potential is much greater, because you have Genie power. Now take a good look at this man.

It's your old arch-enemy, Osama bin Laden. Clear your mind and see if you can visualize where he's hiding at.

I see... I see a mountain top... There is a ridge... which leads to a nook and a cranny... kind of like a Thomas's English muffin, but with trees...
Not bad. Not bad at all. What we're going to do is refine this sense to the point where you can give us actual coordinates. Let's try something a whole lot simpler.

Here's a picture of your wife. She's been out of town for a couple of days. I want you to focus, and see if you can tell me where she is and what she's doing.

I don't see any... Whoa, wait a second... I'm spinning... I, no I'm flying, it's like I'm above the earth...
...I'm hovering over America.... it looks like... it is... it's the east coast. Damn, I wish I could read the small print...
Hey! I'm entering Jersey!
This all looks strangely familiar somehow...
Wait! I think... I see Laura... She's in an office... Not a real nice one, like mine... but it's an office...
She looks like she's mad about something... I don't know what... I can't hear the voices, but I can tell that she's talking to someone...
...a woman with glasses... where have I seen her before... uh oh... starting to get faint... blacking out...

to be continued

 

 

2006, Mark Hoback