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Previously, on Jambi...

We've got to work on your remote viewing capability, Mister President. It's the only way we can stay one step ahead of Jambi!
... I see Laura... She's in an office... Not a real nice one, like mine... but it's an office... there's a woman with glasses... she looks strangely familiar...
My God, Laura, you don't need a psychiatrist, you need a hit man.
Can you help me, Dr Melfi? Can you help me before it's too late?
I know a man... who can get things done...
uh oh... starting to get faint... blacking out...

Tonight's Episode: The Laughing Dog

Reese! Reese! Come here quick, and bring the smelling salts! The president has passed out!
I've got some nail polish remover. Would that be okay?
We'll have to give it a try. Mister President, if you can hear me take a huff on this... Can you... Good. Good. He's starting to come around...
Oh... Oh my head... My... It was awful, Peewee. I saw... I saw...
What did you see, Mister President?
It's Laura... She wants to have me whacked.
Oh. That does complicate things quite a bit. But if it's any comfort to you, it's really Jambi that she wants to whack. She just doesn't know it.
Big f-ing deal, Peewee, big f-ing deal. It's my body that will get it, and I'm rather attached to it.
Actually, sir, you're not...
AHROOOOO! AHROOOO! AHROOOO...
I think the president is having an epiphany, Reese. It's a good thing if that helps him grasp the true grimness of our current situation... I think I have a plan...
Pardon me for barging in, guys. I thought I heard the president howling.
You did.
Oh. I see... Well, that can't be a good thing...
Au contraire, Mister Rove. I'll explain it all to you later. Right now I need you to bring me the president's dog.
What the hell do I look like to you, Herman? A goddam dog catcher? I'll have you know that I've...
Just do what the man says, Turd Blossom. NOW.
What's your plan, Peewee?
Yeah, Peewee, what's the plan? The last time Barney saw me, he buried the Jambi box out in the Rose Garden. Laura nearly had a fit.
Well, the way I heard it, the last time you saw him, Jambi was trying to convince you that you could talk to the animals. That's absurd.
Oh, like everything else in my life isn't? What do you need Barney for then?
Because you can very easily learn to let Barney be your eyes and ears. In other words, you can psychically hitch a ride on his senses. Think of that. You could be in places where you wouldn't be noticed. That way you can see and hear any plots that are being discussed around the White House.
Hmm... I like it.
I'm back sir, with the dog.
Grrrrr...
Okay, sir. Establish full eye contact with the dog, clear your mind, and say these words. Mekka lekka hi, mekka funka delic tee shirt
Mekka lekka hi, mekka funka delic tee shirt,,, Mekka lekka hi, mekka funka delic tee shirt,,,
Grrrrr...
Mekka lekka hi, mekka funka delic tee shirt,,, Mekka lekka hi, mekka funka delic tee shirt,,,
Hey! Put me down! Bad dog! Bad Barney! Put me down!
I can't believe he fell for that again.
Heh, heh... A little laughter should help take his mind off of his problems.
meanwhile...
Tony sent you?
Yeah, Doc, and he asked me to tell you that anything you need is on the house. Says you've got yourself a pretty famous patient here...
Silvio, I'd like you to meet Laura Bush.

to be continued

 

2006, Mark Hoback