24

 

 

Previously, on Jambi...

Pardon me for barging in, guys. I thought I heard the president howling.
Actually, I think that he's having an epiphany.
It's Laura... She wants to have me whacked.
Silvio, I'd like you to meet Laura Bush.

Tonight's Episode: It's Only Make Believe

In the presidential spa...

Okay, lights on. Incoming.

Hey! What's the big idea?

My friend, you just made what I'm pretty sure is the biggest mistake of your life.
Ya know what? I don't think so. You two broads, I want to see your asses heading that way out that door. Now. I gotta have a few words with your friend here.
How did you get in here? You've got to be crazy. The Secret Service will take you out like a bag of trash.
Once again, I respectfully disagree with your assertion. I'm thinkin - and this is just my gut talking - that you probably told your guys you didn't want to be disturbed. Am I right? I can see from your face that I am. Besides, it doesn't matter. I'm in your home as a guest
Like hell you are, Garlic Breath. I've got my finger on the Secret Service alert button, so you've got about ten seconds to explain yourself. And then, you die.
I hate to come off so negative, but hey, like the papers all say, you got yourself a little bit of a credibility problem. You see that cut wire down there below? The only footsteps I'm hearing are those of the hostess...
Hello, Silvio... I see you've met my husband.
Not the most sociable sonofabitch I've ever had the pleasure of meeting. You know he had the nerve to call me Garlic Breath? This is one job I'm going to take a little personal pleasure in performing..
Laura, heh heh, you're not really mad, are you... I'm just, uh, showing the presidential spa to the interns... and uh, there's some, uh, mysterious things... state secrets, really... I wish I could tell you...
You are plastered, George Walker Bush, and you are not the man I married. Well, to be fair, you are the man I married, but not the man I molded. I hate him, Silvio, I want to hear him squeal like a pig.
My pleasure.
Meanwhile...
You're doing really well, Mister President. Sixty-two seconds today on the Astral Projection, and you're really getting the hang of the Remote Viewing.
It's all about having the right teacher, Peewee. I couldn't have done it without you. And... in some small way... you've taught me a lot... about humility.
That's all well and good, but we've got a lot of work to do before we can defeat that awful Genie. I know he's having the time of his life in that body of yours
Maybe we should advance on to the Wish Granting. I've still got a lot of energy today.
There's no time like the present. Let's try it. You already know the fundamentals of the operation...most importantly, the 'Mekka Lekka Hi' chant. What you need to do is find somebody making a wish, and then combine the chant with the Astral Projection during the Wish Granting Phase
But how, Peewee, how? I've only got so much time out of the box, and I'm probably just about spent for today.
Well, this is just a trial run. You don't really need to be out of the box but for a few seconds. Just use your Remote Viewing to look around the White House for someone wishing, and if you find them, go for it.
Okay. Here goes nothing.
Mekka Lekka Hi, Mekka Heiny Ho. Mekka Lekka Hi, Mekka

...The goal is not to trade something off for something else to make somebody happy, the goal is to...
Chonny Ho. Mekka Lekka Hi, Mekka Heiny Ho. Mekka Lekka Hi

...and Zarqawi, you see, he like nothing better than to cut out a mans spleen and show it to them. You had...
Mekka Chonny Ho. Mekka Lekka Hi, Mekka Heiny Ho. Mekka

...just my opinion, Ms Rice, but I think those shoes...
Lekka Hi, Mekka Chonny Ho. Mekka Lekka Hi, Mekka Heiny  Ho.

Oh lord, I've really fucked it up this time. I wish I was just about anywhere else on this planet about right now.
=POOF=

Your wish is granted.
Buenos dias, Mister President. Welcome to Graceland.
You're not really, uh...
Oh, no sir, I'm not Elvis, surely am not. I'm just a guide. People tell me I look a lot like him though. He died back when I was just a little tike.
Well, that's great news.
Great news that Elvis is dead? Just what are you getting at sir? I don't care if you are the president of the United States, I'll whip your ass if you start badmouthing the King.
No disrespect meant. It's just one of those days where I skated a bit too close to the edge. Say, do you think I could get a little tour of the Jungle Room?
Huh. Listen, I know you ain't the real George Bush, seeing as you don't have any guards around you. But as one imposter to another, I've got a pint of Jim Beam in my back pocket, and no more tours for the rest of the day. I'll show you that Jungle Room and we'll catch ourselves a little buzz.

It's a great day to be alive. Six thousand years, and I still can't get enough.

What's that you say?
Nothing. Not a thing. Just the coke talking. Once we get inside, I'll chop you a couple of lines.

to be continued

2006, Mark Hoback