Previously, on Jambi...

It's Laura... She wants to have me whacked.
...and then, things just got crazy. Silvio Dante broke into a tryst between Jambi and a couple of interns, Laura laughing all the while, and the president, increasingly in touch with his Genie powers, was able to grant his first wish, which transported Jambi to Graceland, where he hooked up with an Elvis named Pete. And so, without further ado,

Tonight's Episode: Bad Birthday

...happy birthday Mister President, happy birthday to you... and many morrrrrrrrre

Crazy damn birthday, isn't it George? I thought Willard might be able to make it a little brighter.

Spreading cheer is my specialty. And just wait until you try this wonderful walnut mucho cake with butter crème icing. The recipe was sent in by 62 year young April Parker of Springfield, Illinois, and features her...

I can't eat, you fat idiot! I don't seem to have a body at the moment, if you're too dumb to notice. Now get your fat ass and that cake the hell out of here!

I personally would have liked to have a piece of that cake...
Was that a wish?
Why, yes it is.
Well guess what? I'm not granting it. Now get your ass out of here as well. Maybe you can catch up with Willard and ask him to grant you a wish.
Hee hee. Good one, boss.
Shut up! Dick, has anyone been able to locate Jambi?
I'm sorry, George, but he seems to have slipped totally out of sight. We've had to use your imitator Steve Bridges all this week, and he's charging us an arm and a leg. Peewee, doesn't the president have some unnamable power that can help us out?
None that's operational at the moment. I wish there was.
Shut up about wishes, Peewee!
What Peewee is saying, Mr Cheney, is that the president is tapped out.
Tapped out?
I'm afraid so. We probably started way too soon on the wish training.
After he granted Jambi his wish last week, he seems to have pretty much...
...Used up my Genie juice. Today was the first time I've even been able to pop out of my box for a few seconds. And even then I ended up in some crazy hillbillies house instead of Ted Kennedy's office like I intended.
He likes to go over there and scare him, Mr Cheney. Anyway, I'll keep working with him until he's back to his old self. Or his new self. Whatever..
Okay, Peewee. Thank you. Thank you very much.
Thank you. Thank you very much. That's some pretty good blow you got there, my man.
It ought to be, Pete. It comes from a man named Mister Snow. Let me ask you something. You think I could borrow a few bucks? I need to call home for a ride, and I never carry a wallet on me.
Let me tell you, pal, money tends to be a little tight when you make your living impersonating Elvis. But if you were to share a little more of that coke, I might just be persuaded to let you borrow my cell phone..
You drive a tough bargain, Pete. Here ya go.
Great googledy moogledy. You done turned me black and white!
Woo hah! Feels like the back of my head just blew off!
Hold it right there, ole boys. Look like I done caught a coupla nogoodniks red handed.
Have a little mercy, officer. I'm already on parole... Uh, maybe I shouldn't have said that...
You both under arrest. The King would role over in his friggin grave if he knew that somebody was doing drugs in the Jungle Room.
Excuse me. I'm afraid you're under a bit of a misconception. You can't arrest me, I'm the leader of the free world.
Can you pardon me, Mister President?
You bet I can, Pete. Just need to get in touch with Tony Gonzales and it's a done deal.
You ain't getting in touch with nobody, bozo, and don't try bamboozling me with your impressions. You're dealing with the Graceland Special Police here, not some clown-asses from any ass-place.
That was totally illiterate. Do you have any idea how bad this is going to look when it shows up on your Permanent Record?
I don't give a hoot, white boy...
Ah couldn't help but notice that you're a bit of a white boy yourself, officer... Maybe, uh, George... do you have any more coke we could share with our new friend?

I'm a Pepsi man, maggot.

...and out East...

Yes sir, my most exarted potentate, I am bringing you the news that onry you can use. It appears that our sources are correct. The accursed American Bush has exchanged bodies with the hory one that we carr by the name of Jambi.
And his condition?
He is weakened. Hardry aber to get out of his box, much ress to carr in miritary strikes.
Very good. Our agents are most aber. We strike soon, and North Korea wirr assume it's rightfurr prace as Reader of the Revorution against the Capitarist madmen!

to be continued...

©2006, Mark Hoback