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Previously,
on Jambi... ...the
President was able to grant his first wish, which transported Jambi off to
parts unknown (Graceland), where he met an Elvis impersonator by the name of
Pete, who then guided the willing Genie into the Jungle Room for jim beam
and Coke. |
 Woo hah! Tony's snow, man. Feels like the back of my head just blew off! |
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Pardon
me. I meant coke and Jim Beam. So anyway, their evil deeds are punished when
an alert Graceland guard discovers them and turns them in to the Memphis
police department. |
 You
both under arrest. The King would role over in his friggin grave if he knew
that somebody was doing drugs in the Jungle Room. |
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So
much for the happy part of the story. I guess the thing that really
depressed me the most about the last episode was the fact that George Bush,
despite the colossal progress in his quest for Geeniehood, found his powers
diminished after granting Jambi his wish to be anywhere away from his
nemesis, Laura Bush. |
 I've
used up my Genie juice! |
Oh, and with Jambi and Bush
both out of the picture, only Bush impersonator Steve Bridges is left to
portray the part of president. Don't you say anything substantive, Bridges. Your heading off to the G-8, and your sole job is to look like the president. Nothing more. |
...and of course, the North Koreans are watching
everything... Ha
ha... things do not go werr for the American reader. My spies have
infirtrated his every rair. Perhaps you arr wirr agree with me that we now
should view... |
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Tonight's Episode: Oh Shit |
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Turn
on FOX, wouldya Dick? They're supposed to be showing the press conference
from Germany about now. I sure hope Bridges can hold it together... |
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 ...and,
heh heh, I'm just glad to be here in merry old Germany, and uh, I'm looking
forward to the feast you're going to have tonight. I understand I may have
the honor of slicing the pig. It's a great honor, heh heh, and I guess, I'm
just looking forward to that pig tonight... Heh... |
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Well,
uh, it's real nice... I still haven't seen that pig, heh heh... or as the
German people call it, a wild boar. Pigs... you know you just can't beat the
taste of roast pigs... |
 They
are good... On another topic, I wonder if you would share your reaction to
the Israeli bombing of the Beirut airport today? You've worked closely with
Lebanon... |
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I...
I thought you were gonna ask me about that pig... |
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Oh
shit... Dick, don't you ever tell me again that I sound like a moron. |
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If
we ever get out of this mess, George, you have my word on it. I promise to
keep my thoughts to myself... |
meanwhile... Andy!
Andy! I just heard back from the fingerprint lab... I've got some bad news
and some worse news. Which do you want to hear first? |
 Well
dang it, Barney, if I have to choose, I guess I'd just as soon go with the
worse news. |
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Okay.
Here goes. That Elvis we picked up at Graceland yesterday is really a guy
named Pete Dungeon. |
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Not
really the King.... Well, heck. I guess there's nothing wrong with holding
on to a dream... Okay, Barney, now give me the not-as-bad news. |
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The
other guy we picked up, the one that looked kinda like the President... Boys
at the lab checked it twice and they say that really is George W Bush in the
flesh. |
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There
must be some kind of mistake, Barney. Just take a look at FOX News. Right
now, as we speak. |
 ...and
I'm so happy to be, once again, back in the USSR. Heh. You don't know how
lucky you are... They tell me I may have the honor of slicing the reindeer
tonight... It's a great honor, heh heh.. uh, little joke, here. Uh... What
do you get when you cross Prime... President Putin with former President
Clinton? ...Any guesses?... Any guesses... Okay. You get Vlad the Inhaler...
Heh heh... OK... |
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I'm
tellin you, Andy, that's an imposter. The real President makes a lot funnier
jokes than that. And I'm thinking that we have him locked up here in the
hoosegow I'm serious, Andy. We could be in BIG trouble. |
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All
right, Barney, all right. Goddamit to hell, sometimes I'm sorry we ever left
Mayberry for the big city. Damn me and my endless ambition! Let's give him
have his one phone call and see if that leads us anywhere |
...and so... Karl,
this is Jambi. Listen, you gotta help me out. I'm calling from the hoosegow
- I'm stuck down here at Graceland with the Memphis Blues again... |
 Hey,
Jambi... I'm real glad to hear from you. We could really use the President's
body about now... On the other hand, jail really helps to build character.
I'm thinking Nelson Mandela, Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn, Lil' Kim... |
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I'll
play ball with you, Karl, I swear I will. No more trouble from this Genie, I
promise. But... I've got to ask for one more thing. I need you to get rid of
Laura Bush... She's trying to have me whacked. |
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Can't
say as I blame her, Jambi. Still, I think I can take care of the situation,
but you are going to owe me big time. Now just sit in your cell and hold
tight, and we're going to take care of the situation. |
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Barney,
it looks like somebody at the lab has been taking goofballs. This guy is no
more George Bush than... |
 Secret
Service! You terrorist hillbillies better not do so much as twitch.
We're here to liberate the President. |
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Oh
shit... |
...slightly later... Okay,
pretty good Mister President. You're back up to forty-six seconds on the
astral projection. Remote viewing is at about a D minus, but at least it's
functioning. Why don't we try the telekinesis out? That was the first trick
you learned, but you never really developed it very far... |
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Ah,
Peewee, this is so frustrating... I need to get back to wish granting, but
okay, I'll give it my best... |
 Mister
President, you cut that out this minute! |
 Sorry
to interrupt guys, but I need to talk to Ms Witherspoon for a minute... So,
uh, Reese, who do you think would be a good actress to play Laura Bush, if,
you know, we ever needed someone... |
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Hey!
Hey! Hey hey hey hey! |
 Mmm...
Good question... Suzanne Pleshette, maybe... No... I don't know... How about
Kathleen Quinlan? |
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Hey
Turd Blossom. Why the hell are you asking about an actress to play my old
lady? |
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Not
a big deal, boss. She's just moving out for a little bit while we get
everything pieced back together for you. See, we found Jambi, and he has
this crazy idea that she's trying to kill him. So in order to get him back
to Washington, we said that we'd arrange for Laura to... |
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Where
the hell did you send her, Rovedog? |
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Well
gosh, sir, it was Guantanamo Bay, but it's the ladies camp, which is really
quite nice... |
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You're
sending Laura to GITMO? Mekamekameka Ah, Ah, Ahrooo, AHROOO, AHROOO,
AHROOO... |
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=poof= |
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Oh shit.. |
 RUN
AWAY!!!! |
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...and out East...Report. |
 My
most exarted potentate, I am preased to report that the President Bush is
weakened nearry beyond our wirdest expectations. Even his repracement
ranguishes behind bars. |
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Korean
spies are the finest on the pranet, this no one can deny. Time now then to
execute our evir pran. |
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We
must arert speciar agent 'W' and terr him to proceed. |
 Woody,
can you come to the phone for a minute? It's some guy who insists that you
owe him a favor. He says his name is Kim... |
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