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I'm not digging it, Karl, I'm not digging it at all, man.
To be quite frank, sir, it's not diggable in the least. You can't trust those guys to make the right moves. First Rumsfeld wastes our wish on Reese Witherspoon, and then the Vice President chases the Genie away.
Well, we're gonna get Jambi back, Karl. I've got Rummy, Reese and Cheney out looking for him. The two old guys are on double golden slasher probation if they don't bring him back. They might not be able to find Osama, but they sure as Hell better find my Jambi.
I sure hope you're right, sir. We sure could use him now... Tell me, does he grant a new wish everyday, or is it every now and then, whenever he feels like it?
From what Reese told me, he does a Monday through Thursday thing, with four weeks vacation and all government holidays. Plus sick leave.
Ooh, so we're talking in the neighborhood of 170 wishes a year. Not bad... We could use more, but that's not bad.
We got him! And we got his little Genie house, too, so he can't slip out on us.
These ruffians have violated at least half of my civil liberties so far today. Illegal search and seizure of my house while I'm still in it! Have you no decency? I demand a lawyer.
You can whine until your face turns blue, weirdo. Welcome to the rest of your life.
I'm sorry, Jambi.
Let me cut to the chase, Jambi. Your country needs you, more than your country has ever needed you before.
I'm from Sumatra!
I'd keep that close to the vest if I were you, partner. We're offering you a real deal, here. Give him a little background, Rummy.
Jambi, on September 11th, 2001, this country experienced an attack unlike any other in our history. We came under attack by the forces of pure evil, and quite frankly, things have just been going downhill since then. Take a look at Iraq - we can hide, but we can't run. Iran is a swiftly evolving menace, and - and you granted Ahmadinejad a wish, didn't you, Jambi?
Ask me no questions and I'll tell you no lies. Nope. Sorry. Never heard of him.
We got some guys down at Gitmo that may be able to help you shake some of those cobwebs out of your head, you big blue bag of shit.
Oh, my. Lady present.
Carrot, Mister Vice President. Let's not forget about our carrots.
Stick it up your ass, Turd Blossom.
Mister Jambi, we would like very much for you to work with us. We have a lot of important decisions facing us, and we really need a lot of wishes. Did I mention that this was an election year? Anyway, in return for your cooperation, the president is ready to nominate you to a very special position.
Which is?
Secretary of Wishes.
Bwah ha ha ha ha ha. Sorry.
Hmm... That does seem to be right up my alley. I tell you what. Let me sleep on it and I'll get back with you on the matter tomorrow.
Fair enough. Fair enough. Do you think, maybe, that we could get a wish for today?
Oh, maybe... What would you like? Should I turn your angry red-faced friend into a pussycat? Hmm?
That's enough. I wish this turquoise fudge-packer would shut his goddamn pie-hole.
Uh-oh.
Hey, I didn't say Mekka Lekka Heinie Ho.
Jambi?
Oh come on, Jambi. I don't think you can with good conscience classify that as a real wish.
Dick, you're back in the doghouse!
 

2006, Mark Hoback