|
|
 ...and
to suggest that the president somehow knew that Rep. Pelosi's underwear
drawer was being rummaged through is the height of absurdity. But let me ask
you a logical question - if you had nothing to hide, why would you hide it
in your underwear drawer? Helen? |
 That
was an insane question, Tony, but let's move beyond the underwear drawer for
a moment. I want to know why, just days before the mid-term elections, the
president has chosen to disappear. |
|
First
off, Helen, my underwear question was in no way insane. It's not at all
uncommon for wanna-be terrorists to hide vital information in their
underwear drawers. Secondly, I don't know what you mean about the president
disappearing... He's out there every day, working to keep this country safe. |
|
No
he's not, Tony. That's clearly Steve Bridges, the Bush impersonator. My
goodness, they don't even look that much alike. |
|
Au
contraire, Helen. They look quite a bit alike. Not everyone has eyes as
sharp as yours. Satchmo? |
 I've
got some sharp eyes too, Tony, and I'd be lying to you if I didn't say that
I suspect that the part of the First Lady is being played by Kathleen
Quinlan, star of TV's 'Doctor Quinn, The Medicine Woman'. |
|
Correcto
mondi, Satchmo. We've been trying to keep it under wraps, but I can confirm
that Ms Quinlan has been a guest of the White House for the past couple of
weeks, getting inspiration for her upcoming portrayal of Laura Bush in 'CSI:
DC'. Bob? |
 Let
me cut right to the chase, Tony. Seymour Hersh is reporting in the upcoming
issue of the New Yorker that there was a White House coup which took place
back in March, led by Dick Cheney, Don Rumsfeld, and Karl Rove. He contends
that... |
|
|
|
|
|
I'd
bet my soul on it. |
|
Hersh
speculates that Cheney arranged for a mind meld and body transfer between
Bush and a Genie... |
|
A
Genie? Bwahahahahaha... |
|
...with
the hopes that the Genie would be easier to manipulate. And he says that the
experiment has gone terribly wrong, with the fake Bush destroying any last
vestiges of credibility and integrity that the Republican party had left. Is
this an accurate portrayal of recent events? |
|
Heavens
no. Judy? |
 Two
part question, Tony. First, why have Paul Reubens and Reese Witherspoon been
spending so much time around the White House? And secondly, is it true that
the president is now capable of performing magic? |
|
Because
Ms Witherspoon is as cute as a box of buttons. Now this Reubens fellow, I
don't know anything about. |
|
You
might know him as Peewee Herman. |
|
No
comment. And as for the magic, lets watch the polls on November 7 and then
you can tell me. Clark? |
 Tony,
we've all been hearing reports that Jesus Christ has returned to Earth and
is currently engaged in helping President Bush escape from North Korea,
where he was secretly shipped. It's also rumored that he intends to help the
president regain his body. Care to comment? |
|
I
can only tell you, Clark, that the Weekly World News may not be the most
reliable place to get your news. I've got time for one more question. Slim? |
 I
prishate yall callin on me, Mister Snow. I was kinda curious... Just what
the heck did yall find in that underwear drawer? |
|
|
