Previously on Jambi...

It's been a dry spell at the White House, with most of the figureheads now out of the picture. President Bush is leaving North Korea in Jesus's private jet, having tricked Kim Jong-il by conjuring up the Cincinnati Rakers.
You have tricked me this time with your midget basketbarr prayers, George Bush, but I wirr seek revenge, perhaps with my midget nucrear weapons.
Jambi's fucking useless, holed up in Joe's bar, soaking up booze more efficiently than a Bounty towel, while using the Secret Service to go for carry-out.
Hey Joe, whash for breakfash? Whynja give me uh redeye an uh coupla cheezh danishes. An some quarters for the jew box. I feel like shum George Jones...
Even Bush impersonator Steve Bridges has been lost as an administration resource, forcing Karl Rove to replace him on the campaign trail with a Disney Animatron, one unable to stay on message.
The    Democrats  would like    you   to   think   that   we can win    by   staying   the course.   Nothing    could be    more wrong.     You can not   afford   to     cast your vote    for   a bunch   of    unprincipled    stay-the-coursers...

Tonight's Episode: The Big Payback

Well, guys, looks like I got you all back home in one piece. Is everybody happy?
Not really. I've been so busy trying to help the president get his life together that I didn't even notice that my own marriage was falling apart. Now my heart is broken into a million little pieces.
Big deal. I still don't have a body.
And I still haven't been able to get the green light for my new Peewee movie. It's pretty discouraging... I don't know why I even try anymore...
Hey, you whiners, what about my body? I don't see either of you two floating around as a discorporated head.
But George, you have gained something. You now have The Power. It wasn't me who summoned up that midget basketball team - it was you.
Me? I did that? Holy... never mind. But, well... I screwed it all up. Jong wanted the L.A. Lakers, not the Cincinnati Rakers.
Not your fault, George. The Rakers are what he asked for, and the Rakers are what he received. To truly wish, a man must be pure of heart and clear of tongue.
I wish I were five feet tall.
Sorry, short stuff. George, your hard work has paid off. You have become at least as powerful as the Wonderful Wizard of Oz.
That's really kind of lame, Jesus.

No, Peewee, it's not. I finally understand - I am that masked man behind the curtain. Reese, you say that your heart is broken. Well, here's a little gift for you.

A Sweetheart Watch! Why, it ticks just like a heart.

And it should remind you that you are America's Sweetheart. You'll find a new guy in a snap, maybe one with a decent career this time.
I do kind of like Hugh Jackman...
That a girl. Hasta la vista, baby.. And Peewee, what you need is courage. Here's a gun.
Wow! I feel braver already. I'm going over to Lion's Gate and demand they start pre-production on my movie right now.
Go get em, Peewee. Get out there and have yourselves a great life. And Jesus, for you I've got...
Don't even go there, George.
We've got things to do, Jesus. A little traveling music, Sam.
almost concurrently...
...well the race is on and here comes heartache...
Turn down the jewbox for a secont, wouldja Joe? I wanna lishen to thu guy on thu teluvision.
Sure, pal, you're the boss.
Nod anymore. I quit! Nother Thorogood Special if ya would, Joe. An make it a double.
Two scotches, two bourbons, and two beers coming up.
I could use a bit of that medicine myself. Hey, buddy, mind if I join you for a drink?
Aj long as its okay wid my guys, itsh okay wid me. Ish it okay guys?
It's okay.
Bartender, could I please have a glass of Chateau D'Yquem Sauternes?
You got me there, pal. I don't know what the hell you're talking about.
Really? Well, what about Cote-Rotie La Turque? A '96 if you have it.
If I can't pronounce it, I guarantee that we don't have it.
Mad Dog 20/20?

One mug of red coming up.

So, my friend, I see you're watching the president. What's he talking about?
Shumpthin about Nanshy Peloshy's underwear drawer.
...and the plot involves a large number of Democratic operatives who want nothing more than to see America defeated in the war on terror. Many of these home-grown terrorists are now claiming that the Executive Branch does not have the Constitutional authority to lock up members of the Legislative branch, a power that was granted explicitly to me earlier this year. There are those who would say...
What the hell is going on? Could it really be true that the president of the United States is having leaders of the opposition party imprisoned right on election day?
Thash not really the preshident.
What do you mean, that's not the president? It most clearly is.
Ish not. I should know... I got hish body.
You've got his body?
Yup. I'm wearin' it right now.
You, my good man, have had one too many Thorogood Specials.
I juss wish the preshident wash here right now an I'd prove it to ya.


Did somebody here just make a wish?
Hold it right there, blue man.
Another mug of wine, bartender.
Wait boys, wait, check your code books, section 15 part 3.2F, 'Discorporation of the president's body'. The secret phrase is 'A wet bird never flies at night'.

You really are the president. But, but...

Now, back off boys. This is strictly between me and Jambi.


Well, of course you're always welcome to stay.
One mug of red coming up. It's on the house, pal.
I'd also like to stay and watch if you don't mind too terribly much.
You? I guess... You do still have most of your drink. Okay, Jambi, get ready to rumble.
You wouldn't hit a man with glashees, would ya?

to be continued...

2006, Mark Hoback