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Previously on Jambi...

Hello? Hello? Is this thing on? Hey, who's the joker out there who cut my mike?
Okay, this is pretty straightforward and I think we can get by without Mister Snow. Previously on Jambi, the gang returned safely home from North Korea. Reese and Peewee went their separate ways after receiving lovely parting gifts, while Jesus and George went to Joe's Bar for a final confrontation with Jambi. See, Tony, you don't need to take up half a page to do a damn recap, you big ham.

Tonight's Episode: The Third Awakening

Oh Lord, I'm in for a real ass kicking, aren't I?
Looks that way.
Time for me to get some wishes of my own, Jambi. I wish that your friggin bar stool would tip over and dump you on your ass.
Ooof! Hey, what's the big idea?
I wish I had a pie.
One pie, coming up.
Joe, will you do the honors?
Sure thing, pal
Glooop... How mortifying.
Mwah hahahahahahahaha.... Oh, man, I never get tired of the old pie in the face gag.
I wish Mike Tyson would walk in here and bite your friggin ear off.

Where's the sonofabitch that called me a Nancy-boy?

Right over here, Iron Mike. He also claims that Tom Jones could take you down in two rounds.

Why you...
Enough already, enough. I've had this body for nine months and I'm ready to go back to my home. You can have your body back, George.
But... but... I haven't learned how to do the Jambian Mind Meld yet...
You don't need to learn anything, George. Just look within the box.
Inside the box? What? What do you mean inside the box? There's nothing but darkness in here...
Close the doors. There's a light switch just above the left latch.
Oh yeah, right... like I've been in here for nine months and you're saying I wouldn't notice a light switch... Whoa! Hey! This place is huge! What the... You've got your own disco in here... Hey, ladies!... And your own bowling alley! This beats the pants off of Camp Crawford...
Okay, see the utility cabinet over to your left? Just push the big red button, and chant along with me.

Mekka Lekka Hi, Mekka Heiny Ho
Mekka Lekka Hi, Mekka  Chonny Ho

Yahoo! My body is back!
And I'm back in my glorious home! I think I'm going to snooze for a couple of decades now.
Not quite yet, Jambi. I think you should show George some special thanks for the use of his body. I know you had a heck of a good time with it. And listen, I really want to thank you for your help in bringing about the Third Awakening. Couldn't have done it without your help, Blue Guy.
Third awakening? Yeah, I've heard you talking a little bit about that mumbo jumbo... What does it all have to do with me, Jesus?
It means that a new sense of balance has been returned to the Planet Earth, George. It means you are no longer under the influence of the Unholy Trio. Now, even though your earthly reputation has been severely soiled, you truly have the opportunity to be a uniter, not a divider.
Heh heh heh! I'm feeling bipartisan all over! It truly is a wonderful life.

I'm glad you think so, George, but many things have come undone in your absence. Your wife is at GITMO, along with most of the Democratic leadership, who have been replaced by Disney Animatrons. As we speak, the Unholy Trio is readying for a press conference, at which it will be announced that Air Force 1 has been shot down over Caracas. A full scale military invasion is imminent. I wish I could tell you the right thing to do...

Did somebody here say wish?
If I may be so bold as to wish for you, George... Jambi, I wish that Laura Bush and all the Democrats would be brought back home, and that they would run Donald Rumsfeld's ass out of town on a rail.
=poof=


  Yiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!!!!!

Great wish, Jesus! Okay, championship wish! Whoo whoo! Okay, okay, I wish Dick Cheney was a little wiener dog and Barney still had his balls!

Sorry, George. You know about my one wish a day policy.
You mean... Jesus stole my wish?
Zeus, George, I just assumed that's what you would wish for.
Well, you know what they say - 'when you assume, you make an ass out of u and me'.
Why you impudent little man. I ought to...
I'm going to tell everybody that you're an Indian giver.
You wouldn't...
Sure would, Sherlock, try me and see
Oooooo... Okay, Jambi, let the baby have his wish.
Your wish is my command, let it be so, yada yada yada.

=poof=

Ah, hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha...
You're right, George. That was a great wish!

the end
 

 

2006, Mark Hoback