9

 

 

...oh, lord. you're not saying that you're gonna let me stay in this... that you're... I'm screwed, aren't I?
Now don't you worry, son, there's a lot of upside to being a Genie. A lot of upside. And you'll still be here in the Oval Office, right in the thick of the action.
He's right, George. We want you to be in a position where you can help the country most.
And right now, that's in the box.
Think about it, George. Now you'll be able to do grant us wishes and do magic tricks.
I will?
Sure, son, at least in theory.
We don't know the particulars of how Genies operate, but we intend to have Jambi brief you just as soon as he has an opening on his calendar.
Where is Jambi, anyway?
I sent him out with Secretary Snow to talk to a bunch of kids that are visiting. It's our first chance to get an up-close look at how well he can operate.
Great Caesar's ghost! He's only been president for a couple of days. Do you think he's ready?
I wouldn't worry. Jambi says he's a quick study. Besides, it's just a group of Future Farmer students.
meanwhile...
...and as the most academically accomplished FFA students in this nation's high schools, I've got to tell you to push yourselves to ever higher goals. You know, when I was younger, I probably wasn't as motivated as you young people here today are. In fact, I was only a C student, although I was pretty active in a lot of extracurricular activities. No, I didn't milk cows, but I did milk suckers, and here I am today, the President of the United States.
Clap clap clap
Now, let me ask you a question - how many of you plan to pursue a career in agriculture? One two three... Let me ask that another way. How many of you plan to pursue a career in the farm business? Okay, that's quite a few of you. Looks like this countries vegetables are in good hands. One more question. How many of you like math? I see. Not a lot of you. Neither did I when I was your age. Matter of fact, I still don't. You just don't need it much in day to day life as long as you can keep good help. Remember that boys and girls, always hire good help. Now let me ask you another question...
You've sure got a lot of questions.
That's important, little missie. A good president needs a lot of questions. Okay now, who knows how much a trillion is?
No fair. That's a math question.
You're right. That is an unfair question, because a trillion is an ummpard... inponder... number that's too big to even imagine. For example, I was reading that one trillion seconds is about as long as 1,688 years.
Wow. That's over a quarter of the length of creation.
That's correct. And you figured that out by using your math skills. So nine trillion would be what?
Imponderable.
What you said. But I've got a guy with me today that can help you put it all in perspective. Boys and girls, please welcome the Secretary of Treasury, Mister John Snow!
clap clap clap
What's up dawgs! Y'all's the bomb, and I'm here to light the fuse! I've paid my dues and I won't be recused, when I talk about polishin the president's shoes. Word up. Y'all got plastic in ya pants, doncha? Cause life be hard when you don't have a MasterCard. So you know what I'm gettin at, you daddy-os and pussycats. Big credit good, little credit bad. Let me hear you say yo. My boss, yeah, the B-man, he's carryin the biggest card on the block, The American Debt Card, and guess who just got a bump up to nine trill? My boss president... I mean, my dawg the Georgenator! Let me hear you say YO!
Screw you.
Pardon me, Secretary Snow, but a response like that is purely unacceptable. Yeah, you, the little brunette slut, in the second row, with the legs. I'm talking to you. Don't you try looking at me in awe... You got a problem you wanna tell everyone about?
Yes I do, you awful man. My name is Debbie Wilson and you're bankrupting my generation's future. And you've been looking at my legs ever since we got here.
Earth to Debbie - I'm a man, a real man, not like your sniveling little farm boys here. And I've got every right in the world to look at your legs. Maybe you'd prefer to live in a country where they would... where they would...
Where they would what? Spit it out, you awful president, you.
Listen here, young lady...
Listen here, young lady...
She's mocking you, sir.
Hey! Don't you mock me.
Hey! Don't you mock me.
I've got a good mind to...
You've got a good mind to what?
All right. That's it. Put up your dukes, kid.
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I'm sure he's going to do just fine.

 

 

2006, Mark Hoback