Following Obama's remarks about the bitterness of Pennsylvanians, a new Harris poll suggests that the state's April 22 primary may be determined almost exclusively by Republicans who have foolishly changed party affiliation in order to vote for the one candidate who can kick McCain's ass by hook or by crook. A full 79% of traditionally Democratic voters now say that they have no intention of turning out on election day because 'it just doesn't fucking matter'.

Typical Pennsylvanian voter Claude Funston says "I was kind of leaning towards Obama, but if he's going to call me bitter then he can suck my cock. These politicians, they're all the same. Screw the little guy. Fuck 'em. Let's just see how high and mighty they feel when they don't get my vote."

His sentiments were echoed by Mary Lou Finnegan, a 58 year old waitress from Scranton, who had originally intended to vote for Clinton, but now ranks herself among the disenfranchised.

"Yeah, it's true, I was going to vote for Hillary. Kind of a sisterhood thing, seeing a woman as president before I die on the job. But why bother? You know a female president is just as likely to disappoint me as a man would. All those politicians are  elitist bastards, and they'll never end up doing anything that's going to make my life any better, so I say to hell with the lot of them. Am I bitter, like Obama said? No I'm not. I'm just a realist who hates my life and realizes that no candidate is going to make it any better, so fuck it."

Bruce Greenbottom is an unemployed Pittsburgh Republican who last month changed his affiliation in order to be able to vote in the Democratic primary.

"You know, I really really hate John McCain," grouses Greenbottom. "He is nothing beyond a continuation of George W Bush, and I really hate Bush. Why can't we have somebody like Ronald Reagan? When Ronald Reagan was president, I had a job. So back when Rush started 'Operation Chaos', I thought it was a great idea. Here's a chance for me to fuck with the whole political system, I thought. By voting for Clinton, I can keep her campaign alive so that she can bloody up Obama. But then my wife asked me, wouldn't that mean that McCain might win? Woman had a point, cause I hate John McCain. Now I realize that Limbaugh was just fucking with me in a cynical ploy to increase his ratings. I'm not one of those bitter people, but I do hope that Rush gets cancer and dies."


2008, Mark Hoback