Cindy McCain not christening Mother Teresa as the SS Mothership

As hard as it may be to believe, the Christian Science Monitor has revealed that Cindy McCain was NOT personally convinced to adopt daughter Bridget from a Bangladesh orphanage by Mother Teresa, as she has been telling everyone for the past seventeen years. As a matter of fact, she never met the Blessed Teresa of Calcutta at all, a fact that Vatican spokesman David Axelrod was quick to point out.

"Mother Teresa, to put it straightforwardly, was a saint," said Axelrod. "She cared for the poor, the hungry, and the diseased, but one thing that she did not care about was rich-bitch whores who stole their husbands from crippled military wives, so meeting with Cindy McCain was not high on her to-do list. Maybe Cindy McCain met Olivia Hussey who portrayed her to television, but I probably wouldn't even believe that without documentation."

John McCain expressed shock at the revelation, saying it made him feel old and confused.

"Jesus fucking Christ," said McCain, speaking from a campaign stop in Seattle. "Great googly moogly, my friends. Holy cow. Son of a bitch. Up my nose with a rubber hose. There I am, a youthful fifty-four, in the full flower of my career, and the bitch hoists another child on me. Mother Teresa said to take her, she tells me. Holy fucking shit. Crap. Oh fuck me. I must have been born in a barn. Damn. Next thing I know she's going to tell me she has a couple of half-sisters stashed away in the attic."

 

2008, Mark Hoback