A defiant President Bush took the press podium with Japanese Prime Minister Yasuo Fukuda today, and before a single question could be asked announced that he had come to a highly anticipated decision, one that has dominated the media for the past few weeks.

"I will go to the Olympics," he told stunned reporters. "I will be there with bells on. Critics of the current Chinese government have said that attending the Opening Ceremony might signal tacit approval of their human rights violations, and have urged me to stay away. I say to them, are you nuts? The Opening Ceremony is the best part of the whole thing, and I've got me some killer seats. There's bands and fireworks, ladies leaping, and tigers jumping through hoops of fire. I'm totally there."

In other Decider news, Bush is still mulling over what to do with the prison at Guantanamo Bay, telling FOX News on Thursday that no decision was imminent, but that "we have an obligation to live under the law, so we are fully analyzing the impact of the law... We'll get it done as quickly as possible."

The "we'll get it done" phrase was believed to refer to the analysis rather than the deciding, a supposition strengthened by remarks from Tony Fratto late Saturday.

"It's a remarkably complex issue, one that we've been analyzing for over two years now," Fratto explained. "Nevertheless, we expect the analysis portion to wrap up in the next few months, after which it will go to committee. And let me stress that we will begin selection of the committee members very shortly after the completion of the analysis period, so it's foreseeable  that they could be beginning their reviews as early as late November. But gosh, then you're into the darn holiday season where it's nearly impossible to coordinate anything, so it might be up to the next administration to decide whether or not they want to see our PowerPoints."

 

2008, Mark Hoback