The Gingerbread Man has escaped once again, this time refusing to answer a congressional subpoena to respond to allegations of illegal meddling in Justice Department affairs, and of scaring a six year old half to death..

"Quite frankly, I'm beholden to nobody except the president who baked me," said the elusive fugitive. "And contrary to the popular story, he had no intention whatsoever of consuming me. He even gave me my catchphrase when he set me free. 'Run, run, as fast as you can, Turd Blossom, they can't catch you, you're the Gingerbread Man'. In light of recent events, the president's words seem quite prescient."

"He's right, we can't catch him," said Rep. Linda Sanchez, who has had just about enough of the Gingerbread Man's shenanigans. "But we're not going to let this matter drop. We're going to pursue him. I'm going to see that this makes it to the House floor, and we might just find the Gingerbread Man guilty of statutory contempt. Maybe even inherent contempt."

House Republicans, meanwhile, called the hearings a political stunt, and denied that the Gingerbread Man was delicious.

The Gingerbread Man just happened to be out of the country during today's hearing, but issued a short statement through his spokesman Mr. Fox. "The committee is correct about one thing - I am in contempt. I am in contempt of this partisan committee. And as for Ms. Sanchez, she can eat me. Figuratively speaking, that is."


2008, Mark Hoback