"Hello. This is Joe."
"Joe, hi. This is Sarah Palin. Todd tells me you've been ringin' the phone right off the hook. How did you get my number, anyway?"
"Hi, Miss Sarah, boy is it ever good to hear from you. I, uh, one of John McCain's senior advisers sent me your home number. She said you would love to hear from me."
"What was her name, Joe?"
"Oh gosh, it was Ann something... Ann Nonimus, or something like that. Does that sound right?"
"Yeah, Joe, that sounds about right. Tell me something, Joe, I don't suppose you have McCain's number, do you? I haven't talked to him in several days. He wouldn't even talk to me on Tuesday night."
"I've got it, Miss Sarah, but I've got to tell you that he seems really depressed about the election. I called him up yesterday and he threatened to have me killed if I ever call him again."
"Well I kinda doubt that he would ever do that, but some of his people are tryin' to do some serious damage to my reputation, and he's not doing a doggone thing about it."
"Yeah, I heard about that, and it's just wrong what's happening. It's Socialist. I mean, he promised me that he would take me to Washington with him and now he's calling me 'the fucking plumber'. Pardon my French."
"Joe, honey, John McCain never intended to take you to Washington with him. That's what the liberals call 'symbolism'. You were just a symbol to him."
"I was a symbol? I don't understand."
"You know, you were supposed to represent the common man, like Tito the Builder or Pepe the Feather Duster."
"Pepe the Feather Duster?"
"Yeah... But don't feel bad. I was just a symbol too - 'Sarah the Hot Frontier Mama'. Like I was supposed to learn in a couple of weeks what it took him, what, eighty years to learn? And still have time to shop? But don't worry, Joe, it might work out for you, just like it's workin' out for me."
"Well I sure hope you're right. Maybe you heard that I've got a new web site where I'm going to sell my book and follow my American Dream to make $250,000 or even more. Although I don't know why I should even borrow if Obama is just going to tax the bejesus out of me."
"Don't talk like that, Joe. Things are always darkest just before dawn, specially up here in Alaska. What's the name of your new web site? JoeThePlumber.com?"
"No, I called it SecureOurDream.com, and that's kinda what I'm calling about. It's got a blog on in, I called it 'Joe the Blog', and I was thinking that you might like to write on it. You know, it'd be a lot of free publicity."
"Oh, I don't think so, Joe. I've already got a lot of publicity, and I'm pretty darn busy what with takin' care of my family and governin' the great state of Alaska. And Joe? One more thing."
"What's that, Miss Sarah?"
"Don't ever call me again or I will have you killed. Capiche?"
©2008, Mark Hoback