My, what a well groomed young man, all dressed up in his fancy suit. It's hard to believe that he's only seventeen years old, isn't it? Why, he has the looks and bearing of a much older and more sophisticated gentleman. I'll just bet you he doesn't get carded at the Wasilla Ruby Tuesdays.

What? Wasilla doesn't have a Ruby Tuesdays? Well that's all the better then, because with fatherhood just around the corner and graduation coming up soon, he'll need to study extra hard to support that young family of his. What, no graduation? Well that's okay too, plenty of young people do just fine without a hotty-toddy high school degree, and I'm pretty sure that Levi is one of those. He's already got a job as an apprentice on the North Slope oil fields.

Bristol, bless her heart, has found a man just like her dear old mom, someone who is already looking forward to taking the young-uns huntin' and fishin', and drives a red Chevy Silverado, which he paid for with all the money he saved on rubbers. Young Levi has his lady love's name tattooed on his ring finger cause he keeps losing his jewelry while he's hunting, (which is the second most popular recreational activity in Alaska, right after snowmobiling).

Levi has bagged him some bears (mmm mmm bearburgers!), and some caribou, and it says right here that he's bagged himself some sheep. I don't know about sheep hunting - it doesn't seem like a very challenging sport. (Here in the lower forty-eight, we don't even have sheep season. I wonder if Alaska has a cow season.) Of course he's shot his share of elk, and in that great northern tradition, he scatters their antlers out on his parents front lawn. Or is that their front tundra?

"Whatever," as Levi said when he found out that he was going to be a surprise guest at the Republican National Convention.

We don't really go in for making fun of citizens who it would be illegal for us to buy an apologetic beer for. It's unsportsmanlike (much like hunting sheep), but it is always fascinating to see how Pols will politicize their own children and possible future in-laws (all bets are off without a McCain victory, by which we mean all bets are off).

"I'm just a workin' man," says Johnston, although we might choose to correct that to read 'I'm just a workin' boy'," but whatever. In Alaska and in politics, they grow up fast.


2008, Mark Hoback



White riot - I wanna riot
White riot - a riot of my own
White riot - I wanna riot
White riot - a riot of my own

Black people gotta lot a problems
But they dont mind throwing a brick
White people go to school
Where they teach you how to be thick

An everybodys doing
Just what theyre told to
An nobody wants
To go to jail!

All the powers in the hands
Of people rich enough to buy it
While we walk the street
Too chicken to even try it

Everybodys doing
Just what theyre told to
Nobody wants
To go to jail!

Are you taking over
Or are you taking orders?
Are you going backwards
Or are you going forwards?