Nouri's Koran

Hello, President Maliki... Hey, it's George... George W Bush... President of the United States... Yeah, good to talk to you, too. How's everything hangin' in Baghdad?... Everything but Chemical Ali, huh. Good one, Nouri. Some people think you guys don't have any sense of humor, but I... Oh... So he's still on trial. Well, don't go and... What? Chemical Ali is a Christian? When did that happen? Oh... I see... That's awful nice of you, but I don't think it will offend the American people if you hang a Christian... No... Absolutely not. Go for it. I executed lots of em when I was a governor. Let God sort em out... God, Allah, whatever.

Anyway, I'm glad you brought up the topic of religious, and uh, cultural differences, Nouri. That's kinda the reason I'm calling. I need to apologize on behalf of the United States for shootin' up your Koran. I got a new one comin' to you by priority mail. Real fancy one, too, gold tipped pages, lotsa pictures... What?... Whadaya mean that wasn't your Koran? Who's Koran was it then?... What you mean, what does it matter? Of course it matters... You don't know who's Koran it was, do you?... Well that's a fine howdy-do. I don't know why we're even having this conversation in the first place if it wasn't your dang Koran.

What?... You hold on there, mister, I wouldn't be calling you up in the first place if I'd known it was Joe Blow's Koran gettin' shot up... Joe Blow... That's American for who gives a damn. Did you know that I removed a troop over this 'incident'...

What am I going to do with him? I'll tell you what I'm gonna do, I'm gonna have Sean Hannity take him out to Ruth Criss Steakhouse, that's what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna send him an apology for givin' him a rafter of grief cause he used Joe Blow's Koran for target practice...

Oh, so your cabinet wishes to see him get the harshest punishment possible, do they? Tell em I said to wish in one hand and shit in the other, see which one fills up the fastest... No, I don't give a rat's ass about what the Association of Muslim Scholars has to say... You need to get serious, boy, you're startin' to tick me off. One more outburst like that and I'm gonna be tempted to just let John McCain lose in November. No love lost with that particular sonuvabitch anyway...

 

 

 2008, Mark Hoback