"Good morning. Not."

"Hi John, this is Joe. Hope I didn't catch you at a bad time. I wanted to let you know how sorry I was about, uh, you know... You were the better man, you know. You deserved to win."

"Well, thank you Joe. But the blame really is my own. I guess that I should have followed my gut... I just know that we could have pulled it off if I had ignored my advisors and selected you as my vice president."

"Aw, that's nice of you to say, John, but there's no use in crying over spilt milk. Besides, you hadn't even met me when you picked Miss Sarah."

"What? You're not Senator Lieberman, are you? This is one of those radio crank calls, isn't it? How did you get my cell number? You just tell me where you are and I'm going to come down there and rip your balls off."

"Whoa boy, whoa! Feeling pretty feisty this morning, aren't you? This isn't Joe Lieberman, this is Joe Wurzelbacher. You gave me your number three weeks ago."

"Joe whothefuck?"

"Joe Wurzelbacher. You said I was your new best friend, and that you were going to take me back to Washington with you. I was just calling to see..."

"The fucking plumber?"

"Well yeah, if you want to put it like that. I was just reading that the lame duck sessions start in a couple of weeks and..."

"Joe the fucking plumber."

"Yeah, you said that, okay? Listen, this is obviously a bad time. I'll call you back when...".

"You call me back, my friend, and I will have you killed. Capiche?"

"You're coming across with a real bad attitude, John McCain. I'm beginning to think you're kind of a sore loser. I'm going to call up Miss Sarah and see what's shaking in Wasilla."

 

2008, Mark Hoback