The McCain campaign announced this morning that it is canceling all pending rallies and Town Halls, effective immediately. In their stead, between now and election day, McCain and Palin will host an ongoing series of angry mobs.

"We've been experimenting with the angry mob format all this week," explained McCain spokesman Brian Rogers. "It's definitely starting to jell. I was with Sarah in Clearwater when she got the crowd worked up to death threat level, and it really sent goosebumps up my leg and into my groin area, which was, quite honestly, something I would like to experience over and over again. And believe me, I'm not alone in my desire."

Rogers was quick to dismiss comments from former Reagan advisor David Gergen, who worried aloud that McCain's angry mobs could lead to actual violence.

"Angry mobs are as American as apple pie," Rogers laughed. "They're the way things get done. Remember the Boston Tea Party? Angry mob? Yes, but in a good way. Let's face it, you can't make an omelet without breaking a few eggs, and don't even think about reading anything into that."

"It's true that Ronald Reagan personally never used the angry mob strategy, but then you've got to remember that Reagan had something that McCain doesn't have. Charisma. Core values. Substance. Plus, he wasn't as old as John McCain, so you're really comparing apples and oranges."

"All McCain and Palin want to do is have a dialogue with the American people, to tell them that Obama's ease with known terrorists indicates that he might be a terrorist himself. Might. That's the operative word. To think that some loyal American citizen might take it into his head that they would become a true hero by putting a couple slugs into The Chosen One, a man whose very existence threatens the foundation of liberty and freedom in this great nation, well that's just crazy, and I refuse to dignify it with a response."


2008, Mark Hoback