Where the heck are the cameras?

I mean, really. The Libertarian Party is no new kid on the block, let me assure you of that. We've been around since 1972 when John Haspers secured our first electoral vote. Sure, it was the only electoral vote in the history of our great party, but I intend to change that particular trend.

Back in 1980, Ed Clark led the Libertarian Party to capture 1.1% of the popular vote. That's 921,000 votes we took from The Gipper, mind you. That should have been a line in the sand, something for us to build from. But no, in '84 we had to go with David Bergland, and really kind of lost our way. No more. The country is crying out for change, and I'm here to provide it.

There is no doubt that I, Bob Barr, am the most famous Libertarian to ever run for the presidency. I'll bet a lot of you don't even recognize some of the other names I've mentioned. You've probably heard of Ron Paul, but old Ronnie went Republican on us. I'll bet he's kicking himself right now as I speak.

Back when I was just another congressman from Georgia, I never dreamed that one day I would be running for president of the United States. But then when I got to be one of the managers for the Clinton impeachment, I knew I was meant for greater things. Yes, indeed, later on there was my show on Radio America, 'Bob Barr's Laws of the Universe'. I'll bet most of you have heard that more than a few times. And then it was on to the silver screen, where I costarred in the blockbuster 'Borat'. There was simply no goal left for me to conquer at that point other than the presidency.

So where the heck are those cameras? I spent Monday night flipping between CNN, FOX, and MSNBC and didn't hear a damn thing about me, not even on Olbermann's Oddball segment. And the morning papers didn't give me much more than a blurb, not unless you count Dana Milbank making fun of me licking whipped cream off some lady's bosom at a charity event. Pure viciousness. It doesn't take a genius to figure out that the media are engaged in a coordinated effort to downplay my candidacy by not reporting on it. That will not stand! Just wait until the American people hear about this.

Oh, wait...


2008, Mark Hoback