President Bush yesterday expressed his sorrow for the current recession, expressing particular sadness that it had occurred on what he whimsically called 'my watch'.
"I'm sorry it's happening, of course," Bush told ABC's 'World News Tonight'. "I mean, when it comes to disasters on my watch, I've already had a trifecta, what with 9/11, Iraq, and Katrina. Obviously I don't like the idea of people losing jobs, or being worried about their 401Ks. Believe me, I feel their pain. My 401 has lost 40%, and I'm just about to lose my job, although I suppose that could be seen as a mixed blessing, since I do have a decent pension plan - I just don't know when I can access it. February? Okay. Cool."
Bush went on to compare himself with Job, who was also severely maltreated by God, but subsequently got a particularly nice reward once he reached Heaven.
"9/11, that certainly wasn't my fault. Sure I got a lot of warnings, but they were from the Clinton people, who I assumed were just trying to harsh my buzz. Oh, yeah, my own people said a couple things, but they were all a bunch of bureaucrats, and I've got an innate distrust for those people. My bad. So I tried to learn from my mistakes and I listened to them when they gave me all that bogus information about Iraq. See? I had been right all along for not trusting those people. And Katrina? That was 100% God's fault, so don't even think of pointing your finger at me."
"The recession, now, oh man... I know I've been president for eight years, but... I think when the history of this period is written, people will realize that a lot of the decisions that were made on Wall Street took place over a decade or so before I became president. Yeah, no doubt. It was daddy's fault."
"It's true," said a weeping George Herbert Walker Bush, "oh God, it's true. The sins of the fathers are visited on the sons. I am so very very sorry."
©2008, Mark Hoback