President Bush signaled a sharp break with Republican presidential candidate John McCain today, calling the Senator "a gnarly old man obsessed with stealing the thunder of my legacy".

"He'd like to come into office and take credit for all the things I've done to make this country safer," Bush told Laura Ingram on her syndicated radio show. "But nobody's going to clean up after George Bush except for George Bush. Just look at the so-called axis of evil, for example. North Korea - not a problem anymore, now that I gave 'em some food. Nothing but a paper tiger after I called their bluff and fed their face. Paper tiger... Where does that phrase come from anyway, Laura? Hey, you know I've got a wife named Laura. Good name, good solid name."

"Go ahead, Mister President," said Ingram. "I believe you were talking about the axis of evil, and I'm relatively certain that you left out a couple of spokes."

"Couple of spokes - is that what you call 'em? That's good. Gotta remember that one. If you're talking about Iran, not a problem. Sent William Burns to talk to 'em. He's a negotiating man. You just gotta let them know that if they go causing trouble, we'll annihilate them. No boots on the ground, just bombs bursting in air. Hell, those guys don't want to deal with John McCain anymore than I do. Did you know that liver-spotted fool doesn't even want me to campaign for him? So I'm gonna take away all his issues. All of 'em."

"Why this apparent anger at John McCain, Mister President?" asked Ingram. "I mean, I don't like himeither, but I'm a right wing radio host with daddy issues who's still waiting for the second coming of Ronald Reagan."

"You're not the only one with daddy issues, Laura. Heh heh, that's a little joke - you gotta love my old man. No you don't. But seriously, my disdain for McCain is nothing new. I never liked him. I beat him like a red-headed stepchild eight years ago and I'm going to beat him again this time. Gonna let you in on a little scoop. Later today, I'm going to be announcing a plan for taking our troops out of Iraq. Lets see how McCain wraps his senile mind around that one."

"But I thought you were against any timetables."

"This isn't a timetable, it's a time horizon. Big difference."

"Yes, I suppose it is. It's a completely different word. When does your time horizon envision the troops being withdrawn?"

"I'd say about two years after Obama takes office."

 

2008, Mark Hoback