Bush Announces Plan For Ailing Financial Sectors

Traffic is at a standstill as marauding hordes descend upon Wall Street, axes drawn and ready for battle. Women shriek and small children stare in wide-eyed horror. A large group of hairy Huns heave forward with a twenty foot battering ram, shouting battle cries as they smash in the heavy glass doors of the Bear Sterns World Headquarters. One lone man stands to face the looters, causing them to drop their booty at their feet and cower before the mighty power that one man unleashes. "What's in your pocket?" the President asks, grinning as he flashes the new J. P. Morgan Platinum Card.

Aside from giving J. P. Morgan a richly deserved shout-out, the commercial is an apt portrayal of George W Bush, a man known by trusted insiders as someone who spends hours a day studying the intricacies of U.S. financial markets.

Former Federal Reserve chairman Alan Greenspan is one of Mr. Bush's most ardent admirers. "By the time George Jr came to power, I had already been heading the Fed for so long I was beginning to grow moss," chuckles the elderly economist. "It was natural for people to assume that I was the brains behind his brilliant handling of the economy, but that just wasn't the case. He was the one mentoring me. I would have never imagined that you could have a senseless cash-bar of a war, and give tax cuts to the rich at the same time. That's real vision. And for those who would disagree, I would say - you don't even know what we're really trying to do here. It's classified."


2008, Mark Hoback