McCain waits in line for a crust of bread, circa 1934

John McCain pretty much covered the market table this morning, telling a crowd in Jacksonville the "the fundamentals of our economy are sound", and releasing a new ad which begins with the line "Our economy is in crisis".

"These are not contradictory positions," McCain told Rush Limbaugh, calling into the show shortly after giving the speech. "It's a paradox. Things can be both good and bad at the same time," McCain explained, "like greasy pizza, or sex with hookers when you need a boost on the campaign trail. I'm trying to reach two very different constituencies - the people who know they're going to come out of this mess smelling like roses, as well as the people who think we're on the verge of another great depression."

"Well let me tell you something. There's a reason why they call it the great depression, my friends. The great depression was responsible for building character and molding the greatest generation, the men who would fight the greatest war of all time and lead us into the the 1950s, which was a pretty great decade in my humble opinion. That's when we invented rock and roll and nylon stockings, Burger King and Dairy Queen, we could all eat like royalty while doing The Bop with Brenda Lee and Bobby Vee. Yes, my friends, those were the days when it was perfectly okay for a man to walk into a bar and ask for a big glass of milk, or a frosty mug of beer, we had freedom of choice, some of us anyway."

"And it's an odd thing, Rush. You know how the master Peruvian rug weavers always leave one mistake because only God is perfect? Well, the Deity gave the greatest generation one flaw - the inability to develop effective parenting skills. Really, I think you and I are in agreement that the greatest generation spawned the worst generation - the hippies, and the feminists, and the protestors who said to hell with American. God taunts us like that, what can you do? I'll tell you one thing. I wasn't rolling around in the mud at Woodstock, I was tied up at the time."

"I believe it was Alexander Hamilton who said 'It was the best of times, it was the worst of times', and that's something I truly believe, which gets us back to that paradox I spoke of earlier. The fundamentals of the economy are sound, but the economy is in a crisis. A paradox is not a contradiction, and the way I see it, we may be right on the verge of laying the foundation of a whole new greatest generation. And if we can begin to accomplish that in the next four years, we can truly hold our heads up high."

 

2008, Mark Hoback