John Edwards is refusing to commit to supporting any Democratic presidential nominee other than himself, asserting that if the candidate is not him "there will be tears aplenty in Heaven, and Hell to pay here on earth".

"I will be pissed, let me put it that way. P-I-S-S-S-S-E-D, and throw in an extra S or two for suck, because that's what the country would do if I am denied my due. We're talking literally years and years of bitterness on my part. Bile. I can feel the bile rising right now just thinking about it. Nobody is even calling me the Breck Girl this time around. Come on out, Rush, and try to lay one on me. You better be quick, though, or you'll find yourself on the receiving end of the sort of wrath only a potentially disappointed man such as myself can express."

"If that bitch Hillary wins, it'll be Molly latch the doors, nuclear winter, there won't be a damn thing that won't be on the table. I don't think this country is ready for an physically unatractive president. That bitch is going to see support from me the day that Fred Thompson wins the Boston Marathon."

"And the same goes for that bastard Obama. Seems like every time I slap that bitch down a couple of points, that bastard pockets the droppings. Unsportsmanlike behavior. That bastard wins, I'm going to be pig-bitin' mad, and he's going to look like a ham sandwich. What, you're going to vote for someone who doesn't have any more experience than me, rather than simply voting for me? That doesn't make any doggone sense. He might have that colored thing going for him, but I am a true son of the South and the ladies think I'm fine."

 

 

2007, Mark Hoback