With his presidential campaign slated to begin at one minute past midnight, Fred Dalton Thompson has unveiled his 'ultimate weapon', The Fredmobile Excelsior™, an all-terrain recliner that can quickly accelerate up to twenty miles per hour, turn on a dime, and minimize bumps in the road with it's forty-six spring undercarriage.

Designed by Reuben Brewer of Stanford Mechanical Engineering, The Fredmobile promises to add new energy to a campaign already brimming with it.

"One of the difficulties in creating a personal mobility device such as this is ensuring that it does no harm to those which may cross it's path," said Brewer. "The Fredmobile does this through a coating of deep flexible cushions, so that if Fred does bump into you, it will feel very much like being pummeled by a pillow - totally delightful."

Thompson's opponents were less than pleased with the unveiling, worried that it will give him an unfair advantage.

"For one thing, he's going to be more rested than the rest of us," said Mitt Romney, speaking from Durhan, New Hampshire, where all the other candidates except for Fred Thompson will be debating. "Yeah, that's a sore spot for me," says Romney. "Everyone else will be engaged in the hard work of running for president while Fred rolls on down for a chit-chat with Leno. Fair? Nobody ever said that life was fair, but you don't have to rub it in the way Fred does."


©2007, Mark Hoback