Press: Top o' the morning to you, Mister Giuliani. Glad to 'ave you 'ere in England.
Giuliani: Thank you, it's good to be here in London. And you may call me Mayor Giuliani, if you would. It's like the president, mayor is. Once you become president, you get to be called president all your life.
Press: If I might interject 'ere, I don't see 'ow you can compare a president and a mayor. I'm from Brighton, and I call my mayor 'Stinky' whenever we toss a few at the pub.
Giuliani: Ha ha, President Stinky, ha ha, that would be kind of...
Press: Not President Stinky, Mister Giuliani, just plain Stinky. But if you're there to see him on official business, you're best to call 'im Mayor Brown.
Giuliani: Heh, uh, yeah...But, as I was getting ready to say, I'm probably one of the four or five best known Americans in the world, and as I...
Press: Wot's that, then? I would beg to differ with you on that, sir. Right off the top of me head, I can think of Bill Clinton... Madonna... George Bush... Elvis and... OJ.
Giuliani: Elvis is a dead man...
Press: Well so is OJ, but you don't see 'im get all bleedin' taunt about it, do you?
Press: Oh, it's by 'is rules we're playing, is it? In that case maybe Sir Rudy would like to consider Muhammad Ali? 'e's a bit famous, idn't 'e?
Giuliani: I'm sorry, I'm afraid you misunderstood... What I meant to say is that I'm probably one of the four or five best known American politicians in the world.
Press: 'e is changing the rules. I knew it!
Press: 'ere, let me give it a go. George Bush, Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton, Colin Powell, the old Bush chap, Dick Cheney, Al Gore, Condoleezza Rice, Jimmy Carter...
Giuliani: I mean one of the four or five best known American politicians in the world who's running for president.
Press: I think this bleeder is trying to outsmart the British press.
Press: Bollocks, that. John McCain, Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama, John Edwards and, uh, hmm... it looks like I might 'ave to concede your latest point...
Press: No, wait. Fred Thompson, the bloke from 'Law and Order'. We love 'im on that show.
Giuliani: Maybe... one of the four or five best known American politicians in the world who's running for president as a former mayor of New York City?
©2007, Mark Hoback