Presidential hopeful Rudy Giuliani yesterday temporarily thrilled the crowd at the Homestead-Miami Speedway by dressing his wife as a snack-cake and having her rated by the NASCAR drivers and their pit crews. She received a designation of HOT, the second highest ranking behind SMOKIN' HOT.
Giuliani made a point of telling anyone who would listen that this was his third race of the year, and noted that many of his competitors had not attended even one. "But they're not as bad as the Democrats," he added. "They think all you guys are just a bunch of ignorant rednecks for watching a bunch of cars going round and round in a circle. Well, I've got some news for them - it's not a circle, it's a big oval."
He went on to say that if Hillary Clinton were elected president, she would impose mandatory speed limits on all NASCAR events and require the cars to be equipped with airbags, but clearly lost the attention of the crowd when he said that NASCAR was "the quintessential American sport."
Rudy at one point stood and shouted to a group of curious onlookers trying to make it past him on their way to the concession stand. "I love me some NASCAR! NASCAR, America, and Pabst Blue Ribbon Beer! Let's burn some rubber and get this thing started." The race was in lap 220 at the time.
©2007, Mark Hoback