Bush Angrily Denounces Charges by Greenspan

President Bush went on the offensive today against former Federal Reserve Director Alan Greenspan, whom he called "a sad and senile old man who, quite frankly, doesn't have a whole lot of time left to live. In this realm."

The president's remarks were made following the publication of Mr. Greenspan's new book 'The Age of Turbulence', in which he claims Bush has exercised massive fiscal irresponsibility, and that the Republican Party has 'swapped principle for power'. "They ended up with neither," said sullen Greenspan. "They deserved to lose."

Greenspan goes on to speak about the Iraqi occupation, saying "I am saddened that it is politically inconvenient to acknowledge what everyone knows: the Iraq war is largely about oil.

Although the book was released on Tuesday, the White House has not spoken out until today, which is significantly later than Tuesday, because, as spokeswoman Dana Perino acknowledges, "No one had gotten to page 424."

It is on crucial page 424 that Greenspan claims "George W Bush worships at the altar of Cthulhu, and will not be satisfied until the Great Old Ones rule the earth once more, and teach us new ways to shout and kill and revel and enjoy ourselves, and all the earth flames with a holocaust of ecstasy and freedom."

"Patently ridiculous," claims Perino. "The president does not worship at the altar of Cthulhu. When he has the opportunity, he worships at the altar of the United Methodist Church, which is in no way affiliated with the Great Old Ones. Although, to be transparent about the matter, the president may have met with certain of their representatives - Y'golonac certainly comes to mind - this sort of spurious remarks by Greenspan are nothing but a transparently blatant attempt by a discredited old man to sell a few copies of his tediously boring book."


 

2007, Mark Hoback