"That was one hell of a bad shot, Rudy."
"Give me a break, Fred. I've only been retired for a couple of days. And I do have to say that out here on Lake Kissimmee the ducks move around a lot more than they do in Central Park."
"I'm not talking about the ducks, you old fool, I'm talking about your so-called candidacy. Hell, I only campaigned for four months and I did better than you did in over a year."
"Well, that just shows you didn't stay in the race long enough for people to really get to hate you."
"Hate me? You got a raisin for a brain? The people loved me, they just didn't want to see me leave the silver screen, that's what I'm figuring."
"That's what you're rationalizing. Like the people's need for Arthur Branch D.A. is so fucking great. You know, I once heard that they were first going to offer that role to Robert Goulet, but thought that he was a bit too lively."
"He was, he was. He kept breaking out in song and dance, and what they wanted was a serious actor."
"Yeah, you're a pretty good actor, Curly Sue. So good that I actually thought your lazy ass had a strategy with that entire low-key campaign shtick. I need to have my head examined."
"That's the first thing you've said all morning that I can agree with. You spent 49 million and only got one delegate? I only spent nine million and got..."
"You got zero, none, nada, zilch, bupkis. So admit it, I got twice as many delegates as you. Come on, man up."
"You don't get it do you, four-eyes? I've picked up eleven points on my Q Score... that's less than a million a pop."
"That's right. No more of the Arthur Branch money; now we're talking Jack Bauer money. And let me ask you this - next time DreamWorks needs to cast a president, who they gonna call?"
"Oh, wow... now I really am depressed... Tell me something, Fred. Is acting really difficult?"
"Hell, Rudy, if it was, do you think I'd be doing it?"
©2008, Mark Hoback