......breaking......show off Hillary leaves no tip......
FOX News has just learned that Democratic presidential candidate Senator Hillary Clinton is a miserable cheapskate. As the only girl in this year's presidential race, most FOX viewers rate her to be 'the most likely candidate to show empathy for the plight of poverty level wage earners', but events that occurred yesterday showed this line of thought to be in error.
Far-left blogger The Daily Kos is reporting that the New York Times reported a broadcast on NPR which commented on the ABC news report that Ms Clinton and her entourage recently stopped at liberal upstate New York restaurant 'Le Poulet Jaune', running up a staggering tab of fifty-seven dollars, and then left before tipping unmarried pregnant teenage mother of two, Eileen Baker.
"It's okay,: Baker reportedly said. "I had hoped to buy some new Pampers for the youngest, but if you wash them out by hand you can use them four or five times before they disintegrate. Plus the night manager, Sir, told me I could take home some extra napkins that had barely been used. Really, they're just like new."
The TipGate scandal continues to grow, as impoverished waitress Eileen Baker has reportedly told FOX News investigative journalist Brit Hume that not only did Hillary Clinton stiff her big time on the tip, but that the former first lady may have stolen two sets of silverware and a pepper grinder.
"I was looking everywhere for my tip," said Barker. "Under the table, behind the sugar container, under the butter dish... oh my God, I just realized she must have taken the napkin dispenser too, because I didn't look there."
It is the policy of 'Le Poulet Jaune' that the waitresses are responsible for anything that 'disappears' from their stations. Sir, the night manager, places the value of the missing items at around five hundred dollars.
"Hey, that was some nice silver," said Sir, who has a reputation of being a pretty reasonable guy. "We have nice things here at the Poulet and all I know is that some of them are missing. But we are not in the habit of blaming our guests for our misfortunes, we are in the habit of blaming our waitresses. Me, I'm a pretty reasonable guy, and I'm not going to fire Eileen for... for whatever happened here. I may let her work it off, or, I dunno, take it out in trade. Hey, want to see the picture I got with me and Hillary?"
If Barker were to file charges against Clinton, she would be crushed like a gnat, but it would mark the second charge involving her theft of silverware. The first, of course, occurred in 2001, when the Clintons were forcefully evacuated from the White House.
Earlier today, FOX News erroneously reported that former first lady Hillary Clinton was a miserable cheapskate. What we meant to say was that the junior senator from New York actually spends money in much the same way as does a drunken sailor, or as we would put it here at FOX, Hillary Clinton spends money in the same way that a far-left Democrat would if they were free to raise your taxes even higher than they are today.
Let's go to FOX News's own E. D. Hill for commentary.
©2007, Mark Hoback