"I think you nicked a little spot there, Danny. I'm not sure... Am I bleeding? I can't show up at my first appearance in New Hampshire with a splotchy face."

"Ah, don't worry, Mr. Huckabee. Just let me grab my styptic pencil and you'll be good as new."

"Yeah, I guess the makeup should cover it. Right after the Town Hall, I'm on... what the heck am I on tonight? I was thinking Letterman, but he cancelled me because I was on Leno... Larry King? No..."

"Maybe one of the FOX News shows?"

"You jest, my friend. FOX News doesn't want to have anything to do with me that doesn't end with my head on a stick."

"Why is that, Mr. Huckabee? Why do so many of the television and the radio shows talk so poorly about you? I had Rush on in the car yesterday and he was knocking on you something awful. Why do they want to badmouth you?"

"Well, Danny, there's a lot of reasons that the conservative pundits don't care much for me. They have a vested interest in the Republican fiscal status quo, for one thing, and they see me as a threat to... OUCH! That really hurt!"

"Oops, sorry Mr Huckabee, just a little slip of the hand. I guess I'm a little nervous, you being so famous and all. Look, you've already stopped bleeding. It's all good. Let me just grab my styptic pencil... there. There you go. Good as new."

"It's still bleeding, for Pete's sake. Where did you get you barber's license, Wal-Mart?"

"Good one, Mr. Huckabee. Wal-Mart. That must be your legendary sense of humor. For your information, I am a licensed hairdresser, not a barber.... Here. Here's a cold compress. Just hold it to your cheek for a couple minutes, and it should heal right up. And listen, the shave is on me. My pleasure."

"Well, I'm glad it's somebody's pleasure. I've got to be on television in three hours and I'm sitting here with a major gash across my face."

"It's not that bad. Now just let me finish this..."

"Put that razor down!"

"Hey, I said I was sorry. You know, to tell the truth, we don't get a lot of customers who come in asking for a shave here at 'Marie's Hair Fantasy'. And you, Mr Huckabee, did not have an appointment. We let you just walk right on in."

"I, uh... I didn't see any barber polls when we drove in, and this was the only place close to my hotel..."

"Well, don't take it out on me. I'm sure you could have gotten a decent shave in one of the poor parts of town."

"I'm sorry, Danny, I'm a little... testy today... As long as I'm here, do you think you could take a little off the top?"

"First you insult me by calling me a barber and now... Oh never mind, just let me adjust your cloak. Okay... a little off the top... Oops, sorry about that... You were right about one thing, Mr. Huckabee... oops... I did get my license from Wal-Mart."


2008, Mark Hoback