pic from 'Shawn of the Dead'

For the second straight day, hungry Iowans have flooded the streets of Des Moines, creating chaos and heedlessly trampling everything underfoot in an effort to obtain the free breakfast to which they have grown accustomed.

State police were called to the scene but proved ineffective, as the ravenous officers soon laid siege to the Dunkin' Donuts on Melrose and Pine, consuming everything inside the decimated eatery, including the gumball dispensers and the morning staff. Governor Chet Culver has called a state of emergency, and requested assistance from the National Guard to help restore order to the stricken city.

"We kind of expect this sort of outbreak every four years," Culver says, "but this is the worst outbreak I've ever seen. The candidates flock here three or four months before the caucus, feeding the locals like there's no tomorrow, and then after they've brought them to a state of total submissiveness, they just up and leave. The poor wretches don't realize that the party is over, and they wander the streets in fury, looking for their next McMuffin. Damn that Mitt Romney and his bottomless cup of coffee."


2008, Mark Hoback