According to the latest Harris poll, formerly non-existent candidate Alan Keyes favorability ratings have soared among likely Iowa caucus attendees following his strong showing at Tuesday's Republican debate.

"He gave me a pineapple," said Des Moines resident Gladys Algidout. "None of the other candidates reached out to me in that manner, although Duncan Hunter did host a pancake breakfast. But by the time I got there, all the flapjacks were gone, and the little sausages were cold and shriveled."

Keyes impressed many Iowans with his pledge to make the development of  genetically altered fruits and vegetables a key initiative if he is elected president.

"When I first heard Mister Keyes, I scoffed at his promise to make Iowa the pineapple capitol of the world," said farmer John Brown. "I thought, here's another colored fella trying to con whitey. First off, I knew them things grow on bushes, and he was talking about pineapple trees. And if that wasn't enough to make me suspicious, it's too darn cold in Iowan to grow pineapples. Heaven knows I've tried."

"But I figger he showed you," piped in Brown's wife, Mrs. John Brown. "He sure as heck did have him a little pineapple tree."

"Now hush little woman," said Brown, hushing his wife, Mrs. John Brown. "He may've had a pineapple tree, that's a natural fact. And even though the pineapples was mighty small, they was mighty tasty and easy to peel. But that doesn't mean they ain't gonna die when all the snow and ice hits em. Still, a man like that... I'm mighty tired of planting corn, so I might just be willing to give him a shot."




2007, Mark Hoback