Connecticut Senator Joe Lieberman today announced his intention to throw his yamaka in the ring to make a second run for Assistant Commander in Chief.

"God willing, I will be the first Jewish Vice President once again," Lieberman claimed, saying that he would be willing to serve as Veep for "pretty much any of the candidates except for Chris Dodd, who hurt my feelings pretty bad back in 2006 when he supported Ned Lamont over me for the senate. Payback is a bitch, ain't it Chris?"

Although Lieberman recently endorsed the candidacy of Senator John McCain ("He'd give me the job in a New York minute"), he wants to make it clear that he would be willing to support almost anyone who would take him on.

"Almost anyone except for Chris Dodd, yes, because I feel like I could bring true balance to the ticket," says Lieberman. "Democrats, sure, even though none of them much support my foreign policy. I used to be a Democrat, so I guess supporting a Democrat would be almost second nature, and maybe I could talk some sense into them in the process."

As gracious as Lieberman is, however, he realizes than almost none of the Democratic candidates has asked for his support.

"Sad but true," nods Lieberman, "nobody from my former party has asked me to help out, unless you count Chris Dodd, and I turned that sonofabitch down in a flash. So I guess I'll just have to be content with being the Republican candidate for Vice President. I mean, gosh, I really do balance those guys out. A Baptist preacher and a Jew, that's like peanut butter and jelly. A Mormon and a Jew, what's not too like? Giuliani and a Jew, that's just fun to say, isn't it? Well, anyway you roll it, I'm ready to serve, and Chris Dodd can just kiss my tookus."



2007. Mark Hoback