"Hey, Sir Prance-a-lot, save a slice
The results from the bereft-of-meaning Iowa State Fair and Republican Straw Poll are in, and to no ones surprise, the winner by a large margin in the tastiest looking pig contest went to five time champion, Sir Prance-a-lot.
Pig Judge Theo Leonard wasn't surprised. "That is one delicious looking pig, and he just seems to get more appetizing year by year. I'd be lying to you if I didn't admit that there were times I felt like slipping into old Sir Prance-a-lot's sty, slitting his throats, and then just use an axe to chop him into chops. Chop chop. Hahahaha, hahahahahahahahaha. True, ya know."
Perhaps Sir Prance-a-lot's delicious demeanor is the result of his previous victories. After all, the fair's tastiest looking pig gets to consume the fair's tastiest looking apple pie, a deep-dish Nutty Apple Pie prepared by first-time winner, Mrs. Ruth Cavenaugh.
"I didn't realize that they would feed my pie to a pig," said the surprised Mrs. Cavenaugh. "I'm just so glad I had me a camera. That pig looked so hungry and delicious that I couldn't help but fantasize how it would feel if I slit his throat and chopped him into chops... they would probably taste all tender, like apples and cinnamon, too."
Mitt Romney also won the tastiest looking candidate competition, but remained undevoured, as most Iowans don't really care for the taste of the other white meat.
Trust me, children, here is what you need in a president - someone with the requisite skills necessary to work the grill at Mickey D's (and still look good in an 'Other White Meat' apron).
And Mitt does seem to have the requisite skill to fill the aprons of any of America's army of fast food kitchen impresarios.
According to the Boston Globe, prior to this shot, Mitt flipped the meat onto the ground, picked it up, and placed it back on the grill. Motherfucker didn't even bother to wipe it off on his pants!
BTW, the AP identifies the meat in this picture as a pork chop, and lest you think it's two or three pork chops all sewed together, here's another shot of Mitt and the meat. Good God Almighty, those Republicans surely know their pork!
©2007, Mark Hoback