Obama-Oprah Packs 'em in; Dolphins beat Dolphins

Obama jokingly tells Oprah 'I did not have sex with that woman'.

The Caucus proclaims it Oprahpalooza, and thus it shall be so. Perry Farrell, founder of the annual Lollapalooza Festival has relinquished the rights to the term 'palooza', claiming that his original modifier has become bastardized into a term which no longer is even "remotely hip or happening, and from now on I'm going to call all my music festivals 'the really big show'. Ed Sullivan knew a thing or two, that's for bloody sure." Farrell then walked away, mumbling something about reuniting Jane's Addiction for 'a gig with bloody Kucinich'.

Too bad, really, as Farrell missing out on the opportunity to win one of the 500 new Ford Fusions that Oprah Winfrey gave away at the beginning of the 30,000 person rally in South Carolina.

"I'm really pissed that I didn't get a car," said Maybelle Dickens, a long-term resident of Columbia, South Carolina. "I guess that old saying is true - there's no such thing as a free car."

Maybelle is known around town as an idiot. If she had stayed, she might have enjoyed the first ever joint performance by Prince and Michael Jackson, which peaked during a performance of 'My Candidate Barack' (set to the music of 'My Little Red Corvette') in which a dozen helicopters swooped into the USC stadium with thousands of Pizza Hut Double Deeps.

At this point the crowd grew restive, as nobody had shown the foresight to provide free beverages. Luckily, Jennifer Anniston had enough cash on hand to purchase the concession stands, although her calls for everyone to line up in an orderly fashion went largely unheeded.



2007, Mark Hoback