photo: AP

Hey! Hey! You can't just change the channel and leave me sitting here. I don't even like The Price is Right, not since they've got that fat boy running things. The People's Court, goddammit, put on The People's Court. Channel 4.

That's better. That Judge Marilyn Milian, she's a bit of a firecracker, you know. She doesn't take any gruff, kind of like me. Looks a helluva lot better in a robe than me, if I do say so myself... Sometimes I have to wonder what she's got on under that robe. I'll bet you do too. Any man would wonder. A woman could be wearing anything under there. Or nothing at all. Now a man judge, you know what they're wearing because you can see their pant legs coming out of the bottom of the robe. You better be able to, I should say. Some of these activist judges, you just don't know. Judge Milian, on the other hand, well, I'm sure whatever she's wearing under there is perfectly delightful.

You know Judge Milian is a real judge. People think that TV judges aren't real judges, and maybe that's true in some cases, but it's not true with her. She went to school right here in Georgetown, graduated with honors. Sharp as a tack. Did you know she was first appointed as an Assistant State Attorney by Janet Reno? Yeah, that's what I was thinking, too, that old Janet had a sharp eye for the ladies. And then, later on - and I've got to give him credit for this - she was appointed to the Miami Circuit Court by Jeb Bush. Boy did more good with that one act than his brother has done in a lifetime.

Of course from the circuit court, it's just a hop, skip and a jump to The People's Court... hold on, the show's starting... this is the part I like, where she walks into the court room... uh huh, look, she's not wearing pants, I can tell that much...


2010, Mark Hoback